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I made a new blog post. It's sorta.. serious. I mean, I guess most of my blog posts are serious, but this is almost about therapy serious.

So, you know. If you aren't up for all that seriousness you might file it away till later. But don't wait too long!

This entry was composed @Dreamwidth and can also be read at http://eriktrips.dreamwidth.org/11277.html

Feel free to comment either here or there.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
daisydumont
Jul. 15th, 2010 03:01 pm (UTC)
that's really heavy. i've told you before about the sunday school teacher (probably 17 years old) who told me, yes, i could go to hell, and wrecked my spiritual life for decades. had my mother told me such a thing, i don't know what would've become of me. i'm sorry your mother didn't find some way to soft-pedal it at least until you were older. :/
eriktrips
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:52 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I don't really know why she thought it was a good idea to play it so straight but my parents were young when they had us and I think they were making it up as they went along.

Not that any of us do anything different. But this really... After I played with the mind-mapping thing a bit and saw all these words describing unhappy things and all connected every which way and I'm suddenly much more cognizant of why Nan has said I was a psychosis waiting to happen.
mattblakk
Jul. 15th, 2010 05:08 pm (UTC)
See, all of this makes me feel such great tenderness for you.

I was raised by agnostics, and you remind me so much of my older brother who has been diagnosed on the aspergers/autism spectrum as an adult. (He was diagnosed after my son was diagnosed with autism.)

You've such a great mind, I'm glad you're getting to a place where you're able to correlate and would love to read about your tangled origin myth.
eriktrips
Jul. 15th, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC)
Wow, Matt. Thanks. There'll be books, eventually and one even relatively soon or so I've heard.

You are a sweetheart. I'm, um, verklempt.
niyabinghi
Jul. 15th, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
That *is* abuse, pure and simple. I'm so sorry you experienced that as a child, that is f****ed up.
eriktrips
Jul. 15th, 2010 11:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks for summing it up so well. Really. It isn't that I don't know that it was but it is helpful to hear it from a neutral third party because of course the voices in my head try to minimize whatever, even when I'm maxed out by it.
niyabinghi
Jul. 16th, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC)
Well, I understand that. I also had all my childhood abuse & violence "reasoned away" by others as "Oh, your dad was just drunk at the time, he didn't know what he was doing...."
eriktrips
Jul. 16th, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
aargh. That's not exactly an excuse: presumably he had some choice as to whether or not to drink! And I'm sure he knew that when he was drunk he did not behave well.

My parents didn't abuse me "on purpose" but they still dished it out. Some of what they did was thought of as acceptable child rearing at the time. Which makes it as though most of us were abused by our entire culture. Hardly any comfort in that.
niyabinghi
Jul. 17th, 2010 01:21 pm (UTC)
Right; but my mother was his protector more than mine, for whatever reason.

Abused by our entire culture..... you know, I think that also, more and more. If one never fit into the traditional box of future-consumer-to-be as a child, able to fit neatly into some cultural role, (male/female especially), one was just a target. Part of why I enjoy watching the series 'Mad Men' with my son (21); he can't quite believe things were like that back then, and it does show how far we have come, even tho there's still lots more to go.
eriktrips
Jul. 18th, 2010 12:28 am (UTC)
Oh it was your mother who said that. So you had no significant adult to turn to? That's really sad.

I'm sort of working on a thesis--more in my head than on paper--about the violence with which Euro-American culture has met the rest of the world in the form of colonialism and even itself in the form of culturally acceptable child abuse. It's not necessarily that we are the only violent culture, but our attempt to dominate the rest of the world makes it especially imperative that we be critiqued, I think.

I'll have to find some "Mad Men" episodes on hulu or wherever. It sounds like it could be interesting or even useful.
niyabinghi
Jul. 19th, 2010 09:47 am (UTC)
We've been renting them on Netflix.

Pardon if I've asked you before, but have you ever read any of the Alice Miller books? She's a German psychotherapist who's books came out in the 80s; 'Thou Shalt Not Be Aware', 'The Drama of the Gifted Child'; about the effects of child abuse. Some very powerful and insightful stuff. She also refers to a book called 'The History of Childhood' by a (Lloyd de Mause?).... when you read passages from old German child rearing manuals it will make your hair stand on end. Miller also posits that it was this very abuse which helped shape Hitler into what he became.
If you're on this track and haven't already, I bet you'd really like reading these.
Let me know, I may have a few extra Millers around.
eriktrips
Jul. 19th, 2010 11:49 am (UTC)
If you have any of Miller's books that you want to get rid of, I'd love to have some! I read "The Drama of the Gifted Child" many years ago and I wouldn't be surprised if I am poaching some of her ideas myself. :) I think she was onto something quite crucial. And since I am mostly of German heritage myself I am particularly interested in how German culture evolved as Europe become populated, was introduced to agriculture, and then, much later, to Christianity--often rather violently.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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