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the long and the short

I didn't get through many pages but the pages I did get through were Important Pages so there was productive work done.

fact is I can't read for more than an hour anymore without falling asleep. I'm almost positive this has to do with meds. it couldn't possibly be age unless I am suddenly 82. I can stay awake at the computer (scan all my books..?) and I can stay awake teaching and grading papers and going to therapy and taking walks, but if I read it's like the movement of the eyes across the page turns into the biggest softest rocking chair you've ever leaned back in and after a few pages it's lights out.

I even got up and took a short walk and came back and sat back down but didn't get much further. it's not just dissertation reading; it's happening no matter what I pick up. if I switch books it does take a little while to fall asleep during the second book. perhaps I should read two books at a time, switching back and forth.

there aren't any of my meds that I particularly want to give up although the zyprexa had me falling asleep from day one and I don't really know how many voices it is protecting me from if any. I'm not sure it wasn't a placebo to begin with but stopping a placebo that works could be just as bad as stopping something that is actually doing something besides convincing me it is a Drug.

right now I feel pretty sleepy which means no late night reading is in store either. sometimes if I nap really good in the middle of the day (say noon to five-thirty..) I can read for an indefinite amount of time at night. I think though that's just called sleeping for 24 hours and then trying to read. with me it might work, rather than simply making me groggy. perhaps I should try this next week.

in the meantime an early bedtime might be in store. try again tomorrow. the neighbors couldn't party two nights in a row, could they? last night I fell asleep to some guy yelling about how glad he was not to be a short-legged dog because then his balls would drag the ground. there's some quality partying right there. I'm sure the ladies were impressed.

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