Erik (eriktrips) wrote,

  • Mood:


I'm waiting to meet my authors. things usually go very well with them; they are nice, very respectful, earnest--all those things you'd like in people to work for. so there's no good reason for me to be anxious but that doesn't matter to my brain. one klonopin is onboard but I just took it like ten minutes ago so it's too early to say I need another.

I was talking to Nan about the specter of going in for a SSA interview if I applied for disability and she pointed out what I had actually already considered: that the more nervous I appear, the better for my case. of course I am very very good at not looking nervous. I faced death or its equivalent a number of times as a child without blinking because I was supposed to be able to handle everything, or so I somehow came to believe. I don't even know exactly how I came to believe that except that it may have been that pleas for help in overwhelming situations were often not ignored exactly but when help was given it was often in a spirit of "and you should be ashamed for needing help."

fortunately for me I had to start therapy before I ever even left my parents' house, so I got over the resulting stigma of that fairly early.

I'm having them come over to the Mission because there is a "lovefest" in downtown SF today and we were concerned about traffic down by Union Square. hopefully this place isn't too hard for them to find. I'm in the Mission Creek Cafe which is my office away from home when I need one which is not all that often but it does happen on occasion that I either have to meet someone or I actually want to leave the house to do work. no the last doesn't happen frequently.

I have four pages of notes and questions. I don't think we'll get through them all today. or that is, I think I have to go home to bed before we could possibly have time to go through them all. but then the book doesn't have to be finished right away. some things can probably wait.

dum de dum. another klonopin? I should try the coffee first to see if we are in the land of paradoxical reactions yet. klonopin + coffee = unconsciousness a remarkably large proportion of the time.

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