I was thinking about going to read poetry in dolores park this afternoon but I'm still beat and really don't want to face any more bored cops who might think that reading poetry is "peddling." I wonder if I should take my shot two days early. I was so low when I took it last monday that I feel like I blew through the whole bolus already. why else would I have been unable to stay awake for more than five hours last night after sleeping 12 hours during the day? I used to take my shots according to how I felt but decided to try to regularize them in order to eliminate the dips, but sometimes I dip without warning, earlier than expected. I don't know why bodies have to be so variable! if I screw up the shot cycle though, and take too much, it's as bad as having too little except that not only do I feel tired but it's an agitated, self-hating tired--sort of pms-y--rather than a huh I just want to sleep tired.
what to do.
I could sleep the rest of the afternoon and take my shot when I get up. I could apply some topical T and see if that gives me a lift. I could apply some topical T, go to sleep, and wake up feeling like superman. doesn't that sound pleasant? maybe I'll do that. I could also take my shot, apply some topical T, go to sleep, wake up feeling like superman and then see what happens as the shot itself kicks in. worst case scenario: I sleep monday and tuesday and tell my therapist what a horrible person I am on wednesday.
I do hate being awake during the day on sunday. this is twice in a row now; last time I bailed and went back to bed. I did feel much better after sunset.
ok I'm going to do something about this. not sure what yet, but something.