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way the fuck behind

life keeps happening to me or really it's the plurk thing again where everytime something happens I plurk it without further expansion and that's that. whereas I used to tell elaborate stories about the most boring things. I am not sure I like it better this way especially since almost none of you are over there.

I have over 320 posts to read on my friends page over the next couple of days which I sort of have off because no editing jobs are due until Saturday. I increased the amount of hours I was willing to do but that has netted me an actual decrease in assignments so I don't know what's up with that. I have, however, become quicker to click on the optional ones that are usually tightly-deadlined but relatively high paying for that. this is very difficult for someone who is possibly Aspergian to do: decide on the spot that you are going to edit that night instead of whatever else it was you had to do or not do. changing plans within 12 hours is not easy unless it is to have pizza with a very good friend but then only if no one new is coming along.

in related news, I joined and have been reading asperger, the LJ community for AS LJ'ers and have slowly--well, no. fairly quickly--become more convinced that I "have" it, or "am" it, or however it is that Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified sits in relation to one's identity or activity: the people in the group are all like me! ok not everyone exactly so, but it is uncanny how much I understand what they are saying because I have experienced it myself. I haven't posted a whole lot yet since I have not been on LJ that much on the whole, but when I do so many people say "yeah that's what it's like" I feel like I must be related to them all or something.

I'm also beginning to suspect that other members of my family are diagnosable. not "undiagnosed"--diagnosis is not a latent quality in "mental" disorders but rather works as a tool. the question is whose hand is on the tool.

::mind goes quickly to gutter. blames testosterone.::

seriously, though: a diagnosis can be a method of coercion or it can be used to make sense of one's own experience, depending on who is holding the copy of the DSM-IV.

in related news, I finally finished the disability application for SSDI but I am now having a hard time getting my lawyer to respond to my email questions about what to do about gathering medical records. I have to email him again; it seems if I catch him at his desk he responds. if not, then I don't hear from him... ever. so we might get this all in about the time I start teaching again at the end of August. I was desperate so I decided that I can survive one more semester at least. we'll see.

but really what I opened this window to post about was that I have galleys! that is, I have the pages of my book typeset and printed out, waiting for me to go over them with a fine-toothed red pen which I don't actually own and so will have to go get one I guess. over a decade of teaching and writing and now editing and I don't own a red pen. hurrah for the digital age.

but yeah so I got the galleys from Lyn today in the mail and I am inordinately excited about having them. there's really going to be a book! by me! published by Lyn Hejinian! for the masses--er, the poetry reading masses, whoever they may be.

you will all be invited to the book release party, when I figure out when it will be. I was going to say it won't last too late into the night but actually it might start in the middle of the night. who would get out of bed to come to a party at 3am?

I have to go get my prozac refill now. I seem to be going through a little withdrawal, as I let it run out and, well, bureaucracy got in the way of my refilling it. so now I'm headachey and stomach achey and very very fatigued so I must go get my pills. I called them at 11:30 and they said they'd be read in an hour, which never happens at this pharmacy, so I will call before leaving the house. don't want to walk all the way down there to have to sit and wait some more.

on the way back I will stop at Office Depot and kick the tires on red pens. wo0t!


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 22nd, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
I am so excited for you Erik about your poetry book and -- it is being published by :Lyn's company! OMG! That is amazing. I never envy writers being published by anyone and am not easily impressed, especially by POETRY -- but really this is envy-inducing and impressive. But, don't worry, I am not an envious sort and I am just very HAPPY for you. Maybe I can reconnect with Lyn at your party since she was a teacher of mine at New College in the 80's. Wonderful teacher and maybe she remembers me, though probably not and I was not Max then. But, you never know. She did notice a piece I had published in Volition in 1986 -- Bonnie Latieiner's magazine. She knew of Bonnie, my ex and respected her publishing. In any case, congratulations! I am not surprised this is happening because your work is the REAL DEAL. And, I can't think of anything more exciting!!!! Let me know about the party please.

And, as for Aspergers, I am glad you are finding solace in this new community and understanding. I really have no idea whether it is true or not, but certainly, it could be. I hope that you can get diagnosed correctly if this is the case and -- you are right that it all depends on who is wielding the tool of diagnosis. Anyway, it sounds like a positive understanding for you. You have mentioned before that you were at least borderline Asperger's on tests -- so it makes sense.

Things sound OK and better than usual for you, and I would just celebrate that a little. Or, hell - celebrate a lot!
Jul. 22nd, 2009 10:13 pm (UTC)
I'm sure Lyn will be glad to see you even if she doesn't remember you as a student. she's happy for anyone that gets published especially we from those "marginalized" populations, and she'll be glad to know that maybe she had some influence on your own publishing success. :)

but. I know! Lyn is publishing my book! it's like it just hit me when I opened the envelope in a way it hadn't quite hit me yet. now I'm even impressed with myself. but only in a good way.
::hears Kim Gordon singing 'honey--don't let it go to your head'::

will definitely let you know about the party. I still don't know what the timeframe on all this is, but Lyn wrote ©2010 on the copyright page, so either late this year or early next, I would guess. I keep forgetting to ask because I do things like forget to ask. there's some Aspergian trait hidden in that I think.

things are ok at the moment, actually. the poor spell is soon to be relieved at least temporarily and I am writing and publishing which is what I am supposed to be doing so, yeah, not bad. I have to figure out a way to celebrate that does not involve shopping for expensive boots, though. maybe I'll buy a case of fizzy water. :D
Jul. 28th, 2009 07:48 am (UTC)
I'm sure Lyn will be glad to see you even if she doesn't remember you as a student. she's happy for anyone that gets published especially we from those "marginalized" populations, and she'll be glad to know that maybe she had some influence on your own publishing success. :)

Yes, I will remind her that I was one of her New College students who left when the whole Poetics faculty up and left in '87! What a time! They weren't being paid! Good reason to leave. New College is a great loss now, but there was a history of the flakiness that finally ended it all. Sad. Any way, she is a wonderful teacher and I was glad to have her. It will be nice to at least try and reconnect.

And, 2010 is probably the right time frame for the actual publication. Books take so long to get published, I have to remember that as I write my next one, and also - as I gather my own poems together.

And, woweee - congrats again, you deserve it!!!!
Jul. 22nd, 2009 10:38 pm (UTC)
>::mind goes quickly to gutter. blames testosterone.::

hee! i had to go back and reread the previous sentence. *g* too much estrogen in my system, no doubt.

how exciting about your galleys! please to be keeping us posted on the progress of your book.

i've been missing you. glad to see your post.
Jul. 23rd, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
I've been reading you in big pieces, although I am a few days behind now so I hope that the sad parts have ameliorated however much you needed them to.

and oh yes I will keep you all posted on the book doings. no worries there. plurk cannot contain that much excitement!
Jul. 23rd, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
well, i suspect my sadness will spike again around aug. 19 but then ease up again for a while, and i'll count on that. it seems i'm ruled by the calendar, whether i want to be or not! but it'll pass.

yay for excitement! :D
Jul. 23rd, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
yeah I think the cycle of grieving is just a part of life--like people were saying: there are seasons like this for everyone. I used to cycle daily until I started my new improved method for getting sleep. unfortunately I don't think this strategy would work for longer cycles, unless you wanted to hibernate for a few weeks out of the year.

which doesn't actually sound like a bad idea to me. I could use an end-run around summer, myself.

anyway. you know you can PM me anytime. I mean, if it's of any use to do so. :)
Jul. 23rd, 2009 09:56 am (UTC)
was it edison who lived on almost no sleep, just taking catnaps? i'd like to see his charts!

thanks, erik. i'll remember that. :)
Jul. 23rd, 2009 12:00 am (UTC)
You seem to be accomplishing a lot lately.
Jul. 23rd, 2009 12:48 am (UTC)
yeah I guess I am. I forgot to shop for a red pen though.

::kicks self::
Jul. 25th, 2009 12:34 pm (UTC)
Hooray for galleys!!! I read your more recent post & wondered what the deal was with the red pen. Awesome. It's so pleasurable, book-things, the things that have to do with its appearance in print.

I hope I can come to the party. I have 47 dollars in the bank now, so don't have it in August.

I miss your posts, in general, when you go over to plurk-land. I myself have been at fetlife of late, which is even less lj-friend friendly.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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