Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

a moment

This is me in Seattle on a cloudy, cool Saturday with no plans and no obligations until tomorrow. I've been busier than I thought I would be and yet less, somehow: have not seen that many people but running around with L and S having a good time at the symphony and various eating/watering spots. L works all day today and I have no plans to meet up with anyone so I think I am going to rest, socially speaking, all day. I have my computer and lots of toys on it and a full pot of coffee and food in the fridge. If the sun decides to peek out later, I might take the camera for a walk.

I was going to stay up late last night but around 20:00 I just passed out sitting here on the floor with my laptop. Awoke at midnight, drooling on my shirt. Climbed on the couch and stayed there till after 10 this morning. Thus I should be able to make it until after 10 tomorrow morning but I am trying to catch part of the parade so probably will actually go to bed at something resembling a normal bedtime at least for a Saturday night--like before dawn for a few hours at least.

Am planning on going Monday to the Yelm cemetery where Grandma Elsie's ashes have been buried next to Grandpa Milo's, who died back around 1975 or so. She outlived him by a whole other lifetime, practically. Never remarried but did have a boyfriend who was about 10 years older than she was. He died maybe 10, 12 years ago, quietly in bed. I think my parents were a little bothered that she would not remarry, but she would have lost some financial benefits had she done so; she also enjoyed her independence quite a bit. Of course she missed Grandpa, but she had very little trouble adjusting to life on her own.

This has been a low-key vacation for the most part. I stopped trying to get together with everyone I knew some time ago because after I got home I would be exhausted. It isn't anything personal if I am not calling you up; it's that I have a very low reserve of social energy and need lots of recharging time per outing. I will move back here eventually if I can find a way to duplicate some of the support systems I have in SF. I still know lots of people here but down there I've gotten the government involved in my upkeep and everything, and not all of it is portable out of state or even out of city.

I need cereal now. Fortunately I bought some yesterday.

This entry was composed @Dreamwidth and can also be read at http://eriktrips.dreamwidth.org/9628.html

Feel free to comment either here or there.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2010 07:04 pm (UTC)
i'm so glad you'll get to spend some quiet time at grandma elsie's grave. that seems ideal to me. (i've told you about my visit with my parents last fall.)

35 years is a whole other lifetime, isn't it? i don't think i'm going to be quite as successfully independent as elsie was, but her example sort of inspires me. :)
Jun. 26th, 2010 09:36 pm (UTC)
She's inspiring in many ways.

I don't think it is necessary to avoid help in being independent; part of the trick is knowing your limits and knowing when to ask someone to lend a hand.

Jun. 26th, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC)
Which is more scary? Dating or being alone? They both seem scary.
Jun. 26th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)
that's a really good question, sep. i've gotten fairly used to being "single," though that word always sounds wrong to me, but the thought of never having someone to be really close to, in that intimate way (and i don't mean just sex, especially at my age!), is saddening if not scary. but dating, wow... i've had my bio up several times at match.com and yanked it right back down because the prospect of being judged, as at a meat market, is petrifying and humiliating. if i got to know someone and felt comfortable as a friend, that i could see evolving into love. but dating like young people do? very scary!
Jun. 26th, 2010 11:46 pm (UTC)
Dating like young people do seems dumb because there is a wide wide range of everyone; and I think that as you get older the type of people you like becomes more specific in some way. But navigating the whole dating scene if you don't already have a network of people that you like who know other people that you may like seems like it would be really challenging. Having too many people too busy with too many family responsibilities has been a real challenge in trying to make friends in this area for me.

And I am so off topic from eriktrips's original post.
Jun. 27th, 2010 12:38 am (UTC)
>if you don't already have a network of people that you like who know other people that you may like seems like it would be really challenging.

oh yes, it really is. i don't meet people who might be interested! sorry you've had trouble finding people to make friends with.

thanks for letting us talk, erik. :)
Jun. 27th, 2010 12:59 am (UTC)
No problem! :)
Jun. 27th, 2010 12:59 am (UTC)
Nothing is off topic in my LJ! There may be things I wouldn't want people to talk about, but generally the more topics, the merrier!
Jun. 27th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
I am glad you are getting some quiet time to remember your grandma. If we miss you, well I see it as another reason to go back to San Francisco sometime!
Jun. 30th, 2010 06:29 am (UTC)
Yes come back to Philz! We can talk. And talk and talk and talk.

Sorry I didn't get back to you. I seem to have less social stamina every time I come up--but I think the reason for my visit also put a damper on my spirits. I go back to San Francisco in the morning but I'm going to try to come back in October if I can work things out right. Perhaps I will be more lively then.
Jun. 30th, 2010 12:18 am (UTC)
Dating is scary...period. Age? Psssh. Whatever. It's scary.

Erik, you talk as if you're ancient :) I don't know if I know how old you are, but I bet it's not as old as you make it sound. Just sayin'
Jun. 30th, 2010 06:37 am (UTC)
Ah yes Dominic asked me how old I was too and I hadn't gotten back to him on that. "Ancient" is relative and whether I feel that way has more to do with circumstances than any chronological difficulties. I'm 48, which is old enough to know that I've probably lived half my life. There's a way in which I know much more concretely that my time here is limited than I did when I was younger.

You might also be acquainted with the feeling of having been born old, or maybe of thinking that you are quite over being jerked around and it would be good if things ran a little more smoothly from here on out.

Anyway. No I'm not that ancient but I'm older than I used to be. :)
Jun. 30th, 2010 08:13 am (UTC)
I'm entirely with you on being convinced that I've been jerked around just plenty, thanks, I'll pass on any more.

From now on I'd really love it to be, at the very least, a paved road instead of dirt and muck. But I have a deep suspicion that some universal power gets off on fucking with us and only finds cries of "Ok, jokes over!" ammunition. I'm hoping life will go ahead and prove me wrong on that.

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )


Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by chasethestars

Latest Month

March 2012