Erik (eriktrips) wrote,
Erik
eriktrips

  • Music:

goodbye to a steady friend

Jackson left this life at about 17:15 this evening. Sometimes euthanasia is not as smooth as we would like it to be but he slipped away quietly and without protest. He seemed very uncomfortable this afternoon and I could not bear to make him wait through the weekend if he was not feeling well. It's hard because they cannot tell you what is going on except with extremely subtle signs and I never really know if I am reading them right but after thousands of animals and thousands of goodbyes I have to trust myself with at least this one thing.

I met a different vet this evening as Dr Press only works Thursday mornings but the vet who handled him was very kind and gentle with him.

I did not want to walk away and leave him there even after he was already gone himself. But there are not many places to bury a cat in the city so I let them take care of his remains. I took a bit of fur from that soft spot behind his ears; I'll keep that with me until I myself find it necessary to join him.

I still do not understand what happens when they die. His body was warm and I was able to shut his eyes but I sometimes think that the transition from life to back into the elemental swirl that gives rise to us is a process of some sort but not one that it is possible to know. I have a candle burning for him in case light is useful for him. Or for the rest of us.


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Tags: cats, jackson
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