meaning that i have a firewire camera with drivers in a box just to my right and it might actually function with my machine but as i have dedicated myself to working this week i am not supposed to take it out of the box and try it out yet.
instead i should read foucault or deleuze or the essay on blood meridian or land of little rain by mary austin. as i have outlined before the specter of work is always a little frightening as i have become obsessive and driven when i get going which is always a little exhausting but also a little risky. i mean who knows what conclusions i might come to if i set myself to thinking about something.
no that's not really it. my conclusions are rarely startling so much as the reasoning that gets me there is usually provoked by something startling and dangerous. to me personally. and so i have to rush in with words because if i don't i might be defeated forever and always. hence the obsession.
i've gone on about this before. talking about it doesn't make it go away.