Erik (eriktrips) wrote,

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because i couldn't not

samuel beckett spoke of 'the siege in the room' to describe the state in which he wrote.

me i think of the thing what chases me out of the other room into this room and occasionally throws a party for me.

it may be that i am reading something that dares me to respond and i cannot let it go and be content to ruminate over it a while but no i have to come right in here and bang out some way of dealing with it within the schema i have set up for myself for understanding things.

this in itself is somewhat inimical to my overall philosophy which is inclined favorably towards that which disrupts neat categories of understanding and even as i write this i am thinking to myself well what does disruption have to do with metonymy and restlessness and ethics and i go oh no! i'd better write this out! because heaven forbid i take any stand undefended or in contradiction to or unconnected with some other stand i've taken.

on the one hand the resulting production of verbiage here is impressive if rather chaotic in organization as no linear argument runs through it all. on the other hand i am operating under an involuntary compulsion to explain at all costs and keep everything in mind at all costs and to have a detailed justification at the ready at all costs and this is predictably in response to certain other compulsions which -- often disingenuously but that does not matter -- work furiously to undermine me on all sides.

and not just to undermine me but to condemn me to some unthinkable punishment if i cannot produce airtight arguments on the spot.

i, champion of the unsaid and of that which escapes nomination, feeling obliged and not just obliged but compelled under the threat of worse than death to articulate and articulate again to the tiniest detail.

well. that is what chases me. as for the party the place is here and the time is now for it is friday night and i've thought of a few things to say.

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