today i thought about baseball more often than sex.
i carefully take note of people's shoes. for the most part they wear shoes that i would not wear.
i labor under the delusion that peanut m&m's make an at least partially healthy snack.
i think i am experiencing a side effect from one of my drugs that i should report to my doctor but i keep putting it off because it frightens me so i just stop taking it but i don't know if i should keep taking it so that we can figure out if it's actually doing anything and anyway i hate using the phone. so i take it for a few days thinking if the symptom shows up again i will call. this time around perhaps i really will.
this morning three young men all dressed alike boarded the train together and sat in three different seats and listened to their walkmans and did not talk to each other. i think they were friends. i couldn't see their shoes.
today i went to class for the first time in a month. this makes me feel like i have done no work but i have just not for the class.
when i emptied my jacket pocket yesterday i found a blue plastic child's ring in the likeness of an easter basket and i know i got it from someone dressed as the easter bunny but i have completely forgotten where we were or why. i wonder sometimes if forgetting something like that renders dead the person i was who was there and experienced it, because that person no longer exists. in this way i strew death behind me.
i worry about the amount of debt i am in but that doesn't stop me from accruing more debt.
lately i have been listening to the music i listened to when i was 20 and have noticed there is much joy in depressing post punk. i knew this when i was 20 but i was too depressed to lose myself in it. well that is not true. i lost myself in it but i was too depressed to let that make me want to live.
i can never get used to 70 degrees in november.
i find it hard to believe that anyone actually wears the clothes for sale in the international male catalog. the underwear i can see although not the thongs. and it amuses me that they offer briefs with a padded front pouch for 'enhancement.' until now i had thought that was exclusively a bra feature.
the note pad i keep by my bed has migrated down to my desk. when things occur to me as i am falling asleep i wake myself up enough to write them down thinking i will go back and read them later which i hardly ever do but i did the other day. it was helpful. i used some of it. i have a tendency not to do that but rather to start all over again everytime i am trying to explain something to myself or others.
it is getting on towards 9pm. i think i will go to bed soon.