July 13th, 2001



recently i told someone that if you have nothing to write about you can always write about writing which is what i am going to do now as it seems that if i don't manage to write something here every few hours i feel all out of sorts but i have nothing really to say this evening so i am going to comment on what it is like to have nothing to say.

so i have nothing to say yet i feel compelled to say that i have nothing to say as though if i say i have nothing to say i will somehow be justified in my saying nothing or rather saying something about what it is like to say nothing or rather say something when you have nothing to say.

what it is like is this. what it is like is like pressing outwards without having any vision of where you want to go.

sometimes i dream of runaway escalators. everybody has elevator nightmares. i have escalator nightmares and usually what happens is i will have to negotiate a series of them all going much faster than a normal escalator would be and i have to get all the way down to the ground floor without hurting myself. usually i make it and although it is scary it is also kind of fun but i always wonder just whose idea it was to set the escalators at such a high speed.

writing nothing is sort of like getting on the same escalator again and again and if it gets going really really fast it can be a sort of pointless rush but a rush nonetheless and rushes after all are what life is all about so pointless or not one should go for the rush.

in my dreams usually i have somewhere i need to be but as i take one escalator after another the destination becomes secondary to the escalator rides themselves and all the stakes of the dream are bound up with whether i will ride them all without falling down or getting sucked into the escalator innards which await you as you know just beyond that serrated edge where the steps slide into each other and disappear.

am i the only one who wonders what lies beyond that edge? like the essence of escalator is somehow caught up with what the escalator is when you can't see it and can't stand on it?

i always liked the idea of an ant farm too although i never had one. i had a geology set. i really wanted a chemistry set that year but my folks couldn't afford one so i got a geology set instead. i never gave two hoots about the rocks and minerals that came with it but i did enjoy mixing up the few chemicals that were included for the purpose of testing the rocks and minerals.

one thing the rocks and minerals had in common with the perpetually disappearing escalators was the hidden and barely known world of their surfaces. by this i mean the horizon one would see if one inhabited the world of the rock surface itself or the hidden world of the escalator or even the miniature universe in a radio tube. if you were the size of an ant on any of these things the sublime would take up about as much room as your index finger does now at the present scale.

and moss is a forest you know?
  • Current Music
    big black -- hammer party


my favorite beer i think is still pete's wicked ale although it has been about two years since i drank any as none of the corner liquor stores around here (and there are lots of corners and hence lots of stores) carry it. the dive up the street pours speakeasy's prohibition ale which is a close second. when drinking at home i usually pick up a six pack of red tail ale or full sail.

all brewed on the west coast yay.

i don't see how anyone could not like beer. that wonderful fizziness that makes you burp. that warm feeling you get after your first couple of sips. in many ways beer is like coffee in that the first bottle or cup is the best and all that comes after is an attempt to recapture that first bottle or cup. if i could live over and over again the first 15 minutes after awakening (i have a coffee maker that makes coffee automatically at whatever time you wish so the coffee is always ready when you wake up -- oh modern life!) if i could live over and over again the first 15 minutes after awakening i would be happy.

so really what my life boils down to is if only i could be on a train forever living between 9 and 9:15am. although on the train i wake up early so then it would be more like 6:30 to 6:45am. this is what my heaven would consist of. screw the streets of gold bullshit.
  • Current Music
    neutral milk hotel