September 28th, 2001


(no subject)

learning things has me slightly glum. as i was saying to c today i understand for instance fundamentalism having known it from the inside but still it depresses me and trying to discriminate between justifiable belief and needless intolerance takes energy all the more i guess because i still fight the little rightwingers in my head. for instance i had to willfully construct a logical argument against teddy roosevelt's assertion that the conquest of the continent by 'germanic' whites was an inevitable and indeed much desirable result of natural law which decrees the survival and dominance of the fittest and in this case whitest race and i thought to myself after i had argued with him to my satisfaction that this imperative to refute the fascists without in order to quell the shouts of the fascists within was just too exhausting and no fun and here i am doing all this in the name of intellectual inquiry which is supposed to be the joy of my life.

but i do want to say this one thing just to make it public and true and that is that there is no struggle for survival only the amazing rifeness and superfluity of life. look for instance at the parasites whose life cycles require an intricate journey from say water to the intestines of a host animal to the air and back to the mud and perhaps a second host animal and it becomes increasingly clear that life has invaded every possible niche on earth with no struggle but just a patient and ceaseless flowering. survival of the fittest is an old myth that should be replaced by the flourishing of anything that works.

i don't even know if i am arguing with anyone still alive since social darwinism went out the window some time ago but like i said there is this compulsion to justify my instinctive affinities to my acquired but so anciently acquired that they seem instinctive reactionary impulses. what then has got me feeling glum is on the one hand having to go up against myself all the damned time which is really tiring and on the other hand having it only confirmed that the place where i live was built on self serving specious reasoning thinly disguising a voracious territorializing violence. this is nothing new. why be depressed about it.

because it just goes on and on and who knows 'they' might even be right. we'll see who burns in hell.
  • Current Music
    pearl jam - nothingman


on a lighter note there is this thing that my cat does which amuses me and that is he is obsessed with crumpled paper but only if i show it to him. there are many bits of crumpled paper on the floor but he only pays attention to the ones i pick up and place on the rungs of the ladder up to my bed so that he can knock them off or grab them with his teeth and hurry off to rip them up as this is his mission in life. a couple of weeks ago i made the mistake of waving a piece of crumpled paper around in front of him and he bit into it and right through my finger. i bled. i haven't bled from a cat bite since working in the veterinary business years ago but when i told friends that my cat had bitten me they immediately asked well what were you doing to him. it is always the human's fault when cats bite. i learned this in the veterinary business as well.
  • Current Music
    sisters of mercy