October 11th, 2001



i'm depressed.

see there's the war.
and then there's my exams.
and then war.
and then exams.

and then there is that i started injecting a different preparation of testosterone three weeks ago and i think it absorbs faster and then peters out faster and doesn't it just figure that even though i am a man now i still get to chalk up my moods to hormones if i feel like it. and really i think it only is due to hormones if i think it is that is to say that what i think about my hormone levels has more to do with how i feel than what those levels really are.

so i could be depressed about war and my exams neither of which will be over with anytime soon or i could be depressed because it is almost time for my next shot which means in about three days i will be happy again.

which would you choose?
  • Current Mood
    morose morose

and yet

but the good thing about it being tonight in particular is that tonight in particular is a night to go out with a friend to a dive to drink belgian beer. and oh how i look forward to that first beer.
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful


ute had to go home because she must teach in the morning but in the meantime we drank our kwak and our framboise and our kriek and vented our anxieties and resentments about us foreign policy and weighed as always the vagaries of gender presentation and i even talked a little as though i weren't really depressed and all this was good.

i guess this is what living is like.
  • Current Music
    bowie - scary monsters