i have been back for five days and i can't seem to get it through my head that i am not on vacation anymore. like i ever really was but only working when there was nothing else to do was at least the next door neighbor to a vacation. so today isn't going to be a strenuous work day but tomorrow and sunday are. if i ease into it maybe the part of me that wants to be on permanent vacation will be appeased.
today we go book shopping. this is what i like best about being in grad school: guilt free book shopping.
whenever i log onto gnutella no one ever downloads infamous menagerie from me. instead they go for my porn. why do geeks only want porn?
as i walked through the castro with my new haircut (i have a new haircut!) i thought to myself i want to go out and show off so i went for a little pizza and a little beer but then i couldn't figure out where i wanted to go from there and i found myself wishing i were in one of my dreams where i am on a street full of little clubs and arcades all very welcoming of someone freakish enough to walk in alone on a friday night and i thought where could i find a place like that.
interestingly enough in my dreams i am never with a group of people which would naturally result in my feeling comfortable walking in anywhere but rather i am alone and in a milieu where being alone is perfectly acceptable.
i remember though nights where i would just go in alone i would decide where i was going and why and i would just go there like i belonged there and everything always turned out well. that was half a lifetime ago and i tell myself that i have about as many years left as i have lived so far so i could very easily do everything all over although there are some things i would want to skip.
so what keeps me from going in alone again like i belong there.