February 2nd, 2002



if i could just come at the idea of the rifeness of life without being ambushed by the name of the father. the two are not the same and i know this in some way i completely know this and i used to know it well and i used to look it in the eyes.


where the confusion lies. where does the confusion lie. most probably the most confusion lies in the most compulsive of ideas. most probably the most confusion is in the idea itself.

dispersal and infinition. waiting long enough will bring it all. which is to say there is no wait long enough and there is no all but waiting and dispersal. patience and release. the compulsive in reverse.

(no subject)

tomorrow which is to say later today as i am up late on my one party night of the week but tomorrow i am going to see not one but two movies. there are two movies i want to see playing at the same theater and i am thinking that i will go and buy a ticket for both then see the one then grab a bite to eat then see the other. i should be out of there around 10:30 by which time of course there will be many busted dotcommers wandering drunkenly around my neighborhood and i will mix with them happily.

that is i won't mix with them terribly well but i will watch them with some amusement. they get all dressed up to come to the mission and i can't quite figure out why. i mean if you are going to get dressed up it seems like you should be at some swanky bar downtown and not in one our corner dives but for some reason it seems to be the thing to do.

not that it matters. my street is butt ugly and i love it. that there is always something going on makes it lovable whether those going are dressed up or not and many of them are emphatically not while some of them emphatically are which makes it all the more interesting.

sometimes i hate it too. there are some blocks i simply will not walk down because they are so hideous. these aren't the blocks with drug dealers and hookers as those i can deal with and even seek out but rather the long white sidewalks running alongside huge appliance retailers with monotonous storefronts unrelieved by color or any kind of appeal at all. i wonder who goes there to buy things because there is absolutely nothing that distinguishes the gray of the store from the gray of the street from the gray of the washing machines inside. this is what the world would look like if it were all covered by concrete.

a tree. my soul for a tree.
  • Current Music
    public image


ok so i just got up. i don't think i'm going to make the first movie as i have to clean the cat box and do the dishes and take a shower before leaving and before all that i must drink enough coffee to make the above tasks seem somewhat less monumental. when i went to bed at 4 i suspected this might be the way things turned out.

depressing news about amtrak. if any of you care about the travel needs of eccentrics like me please write your congressperson explaining that national rail service is worth the expense of government subsidy even if it is not profitable. i don't care what ayn rand says. not everything worthwhile will make money.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake


i learned this that saying you're not real won't quite work because there is nothing there to persuade me that they are real although as thoughts they are real enough though what i think i have to say is you're not right. what i didn't learn was how to keep work and voices separate or rather how to engage in the one without setting off the other. there is some risk in cultivating ideas. you never know what might spring up.