June 10th, 2002

mutts shadow

avoidance

there is a 9K email in my inbox from school and it has my exam questions in it and i haven't opened it yet as i am waiting to be caffeinated enough to feel compelled to answer them. almost there. another sip or two.

answers are already swirling around in my head in a maddeningly non-linear way which is the way these things always start out before i begin writing. the fear is that the border between swirly and written will be uncrossable.

yes i slept in and partially because i did not want to get out of bed and face what was facing me. it doesn't matter particularly though because unlike studying writing can't be sustained for very many hours at a time so when i start is not so important as long as it is sometime before 4pm.

ok. taking the plunge now. thanks everyone for good thoughts.
  • Current Mood
    worried worried
mutts earl

pant.

c says to pace myself and i have until friday afternoon to finish so i've stopped for the day. writing is hard. writing is painful. writing for three hours hurts every bit as much as reading for eight with the one exception that nothing completely unforeseen comes up in writing. i am not likely to blindside myself with something that i either don't understand or am triggered by.

so i have written just over 2000 words out of a possible 7000. that's enough for one day isn't it? the hard part actually is selecting from the 20,000 or so words of spew i have accumulated over the last two years. so far i haven't cut and pasted anything which is ok on the one hand but really i should try to find places for what i have written if only not to duplicate the effort. but i'm trying to be systematic and soberly explain the preliminaries before going on to the effusive claims. and it is mainly effusive claims that i have already written. their time will come.

it's hot here. who ordered heat for today?
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful