October 4th, 2002



i'm not sure but it could be possible i am losing my mind.

well probably not. i had the chance once and it didn't result in obsessive argumentation.

well actually it did but i was in danger of losing my life at the time and now i am not so much.

in any case i have to remember that the problem with totalization whether it occurs at the level of the state or of the individual is the violence towards the inassimilable.

of all people i should know this.

in the case of the state the inassimilable is the exception or the singularity which cannot be recouped in universal history.

in the case of the individual the inassimilable is the point of otherness or precisely the frontier of exposure to the other: "the devil" or "the presence of somebody else in me": the threat of non-autonomy that occurs paradoxically within a singularity that is a singularity but only so as consisting entirely in exteriority. that is the secret of a place which dismantles identity while fixing an event which paradoxically cannot be fixed. which is to say that the event of "I" names nothing while occuring in a particular constellation of outside influences be it an always changing constellation.

practically speaking though the objection to individualism is that it ignores consequences and the collective and specifically consequences for the collective. it may even be shown to be suicidal in that if i eat everything there will be nothing left for me to eat. absolute spirit = death.
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent
mutts earl

(no subject)

remember the messiah complex?

ok maybe not everyone had one. the gist though was that someday your perspective would change the world even though it was killing you.

it's similar but not identical to that western historical tendency always to believe that humanity is on the verge of something revolutionary and that if we just punch through that last bit of resistance we will Get There.

when the fact is we are all spewing in all directions all the time and none of it is going to save anybody.

it may however keep us occupied and really that is the most important thing. that we might ever keep going! until we don't anymore.
  • Current Music

real life

i've thought about writing to my folks and telling them if they wait too long to deal with me as male i might be bald when they finally see me.

if all else fails appeal to the love of hair.
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful


so do you ever pause at the end of an entry for this thing and think to yourself "my god it's 'me me me me me'! how self-involved can a person be??"

and then you think "wait. it's my journal."
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative