October 9th, 2002

mutts shadow

in the money

well it's about fargin time. the insurance claim i filed two and a half months ago finally paid off. and can i just say that mental health parity rocks.

december is now secure. i might even be able to buy myself some more books and god knows i need more books because my desk is about to fly away as there are only about a hundred books holding it down.
  • Current Music
    pearl jam. but i wish i were at the baltic room listening to rur.
hat

professional development has only made the obsessions worse

slowly i remember things. i used to find it immediately apparent that progress and profit were violent repudiations of perversion and loss. i used to find it immediately apparent why one would want to 'keep' perversion and loss.

i mean apart from the fact that i myself am hopelessly perverted and couldn't give a damn about profit. (well i like having money enough to live but i don't quite see the point in having more than that.) apart from that i forget and i forget how the simple pleas for order entail a lopping off of the disorderly of which i have always been a constituent and not by choice that is not because i like rabble-rousing for its own sake but because what i have turned out to be or the way in which i have had to live in order to be true has always been a marginal way.

east marginal way is the name of a street in seattle. it is not my name but it could be.

i myself am an untoward result. i have to remember this.

i wonder though if the violence which excludes fascism is of the same order as the violence of fascism itself. is it that in not drawing the boundaries to a complete close one must make impossible the foundations of fascism itself. does perversion question the evil that is exclusion.

whirl whirl whirl
  • Current Music
    patti smith - free money
mutts shadow

i want to rock and roll all night and party every day

from somewhere and someplace i seem to have come into a reserve of energy.

i got up at 7:30 today. perhaps i should get up at 7:30 everyday as it seems to have resulted in an extraordinarily bouncy 11:30pm.

or it could just be because the giants won.

when i was younger my mood on monday mornings was a direct result of whether the falcons had won on sunday.

oh here's something. the team is both effect and presupposition of the playing. this came to me upon looking at the banners for st louis' world series wins flying in their stadium. they were all from 30 - 40 years ago which got me to thinking what exactly the connection was between the cardinals of today and the cardinals of, say, 1947. i decided it was all in the playing and the very fielding of varying constellations of players in the name of a team which is only the effect of the fielding of varying constellations of players.

i should send this to my deleuze reading group. they would understand.
  • Current Mood
    crazy crazy