February 21st, 2003


i can't even think of a title for this

i was going to do laundry this afternoon but with surprisingly little difficulty i talked myself out of it on the way home as i did not want to put off any longer than necessary the gratification of having nothing to do.

here then i sit.

i am either tired or need to eat because now i can't think of anything and having nothing to do is no fun if you can't think of anything. i have tried to think for instance of doing some songwriting but my thoughts get no further than picking up my guitar when they run out of energy.

i have also thought of reading the books i received from powell's today but i seem to be having some difficulty just reading the print on my computer screen and it occurs to me that i did not sleep well last night or that is i did not fall asleep very quickly and i got up very early today and perhaps this is why i am finding it difficult to think of anything right now.

maybe a nap. maybe i should think of a nap.

oh that sounds like a good idea.
  • Current Music
    big black


ah that first cup upon arising! napping and then taking evening coffee is like having two mornings on the same day.

i like mornings in case there was any question. that is i like mornings now that i rarely have to get up at any particular time and now that i don't have to rush to throw on clothes so i can catch a bus so i can be at work by 8am. i like mornings now that i get to decide when waking up ends and work begins.

today for instance though i had to teach i don't teach until 11am and though i had to come up with something to say to them before that time it wasn't imperative that i begin work immediately after getting out of bed or even within an hour of getting out of bed. for a blessed hour i got to sip coffee and slowly let the world dawn on me in all its untapped potential.

because much like doing nothing is only fun when you can think of something, morning is only what it is because it portends what could be really great things but you don't have to do any of those great things right away. you get to contemplate them first.

much of the joy in life comes from such moments of virtuality.

that evening often comes to pass without any particularly great things having come to pass may have some influence on the fact that i often get more depressed in the evenings. there is a point though where the prospect of sleep becomes a great comfort. i would say really the most difficult time of the day is between 3 and 4 pm when you have to give up on your morning grandiosity but there are still a couple of hours begging for productivity. having to do something without that sense of the promise of great things is a terrible burden.

this is the 3pm of the soul.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake