January 26th, 2004

hat

timelessness

so much for getting up early to do laundry. I slept like a rock, the alarm went off at 7:30, I tried my best to get up but wound up turning it off and thinking "just ten more minutes" and then woke up at 11 after dreaming that I had slept until afternoon. I'm not sure what this particular 13-hour marathon was about although it might have something to do with staying up till the wee hours all weekend but in any case. still have to do laundry. perhaps will take a book.

who am I kidding. it is impossible to do work in the laundromat.

I would be much happier were the earth to institute a thirty-hour day.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated
hat

futile day

not entirely futile as the laundry is now done but I am too anxious about teaching tomorrow to settle down and do any work of my own. I could go for a walk but the weather is kind of blah in that it is 55F and overcast so if I began to sweat I couldn't then walk in the sun to keep warm.

oddly I am beginning to like warm weather better for walking because at least then you don't freeze once you are soaked through your clothes, which as we know always happens to me if it is above 32F out.

I am wondering if I should ask housemate c for a klonopin. just as an experiment. it would be nice not to be all jumpy for the entire 18 hours between now and classtime.

or maybe I'll try the hydroxyzine. I still have a little left.

not that I believe one should medicate all unpleasantness away but this is such a dogged unpleasantness that does not relent even after years of not dying in front of the class or not running out of things to say that I don't see the anxiety serving any purpose anymore. if it ever did. the extent of it is such that it surpasses keeping me sharp and heads for getting in the way of thinking clearly.

that and it makes my afternoons- and nights-before-teaching all feel like the worst of Sundays.
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed