March 10th, 2004



I have twelve papers to grade today. I have twelve of them. I must grade them all today. both of these problems are my own fault with the possible exception of some responsibility on the side of the angel of death who had me somewhat preoccupied all weekend and still does to a similarly certain extent.

I'm only supposed to have nine but last night I found tucked away in my notebook the three that my TA said were mysteriously missing from his stack. I have no idea when or why I put them there but since I divided up the papers I am quite sure that I was the one who put them there.

and of course I have to grade them all today because I spent the last week not grading them. there are I suppose good reasons for this but not all of them are sparkly innocent such as the overindulgence in chemical reassurance and sympathy over the weekend. it didn't help and now I'm behind.

lesson learned.
for now.

in the back of my head there is a dance going on about sense and nonsense and death as the dividing line that assures that both can go on because letting go is the only way to keep them unmolested.

I dunno. I felt alone in the universe last night. I know I'm not but I felt that way.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake

good news/bad news

I've graded six papers in just over two hours.

I'm fucking depressed. and not only can I not seem to be able to cry these days but I'm so depressed that I can't even get goosebumps, which as you know have been my indication of every strong emotion for some years now.

goddammit. Jim's ashes are on their way to Montana. that's it. ashes are all that's left. I mean aside from the influence he had on hundreds and perhaps thousands of people and the fact that their lives go on. am having a hard time concentrating on that part though.
  • Current Music
    Henryk Gorecki - Miserere, Opus 44