April 6th, 2004

mutts earl

liminal day

currently recovering from vacation. I don't understand how anyone can go right back to work the day after arriving home but then I don't really understand how anyone can work a full schedule even when vacation is far away and really I'm not sure I understand work at all or at least not the kind of work that actually nets money so here I am the day after vacation not working.

klonopin had me snoozing over much of southern oregon and northern california so I did get to escape the tedium of flight. but I did spend a somewhat unpleasant amount of time in that twilight between waking and sleeping when you keep mistaking your situation for one that you are making up so at different points I was talking to different ones of you and sitting in your houses and eating things and asking questions and then I would jerk awake because I thought something important had happened but then would see that I was alone on the plane with the clouds and mountains going by just below and that nothing in particular was going on. finally I closed my eyes somewhere above oregon and opened them I thought seconds later to hear that we were making our descent into the bay area. oh.

so we landed and I got on bart and walked home and it was mere hours after I had gotten up in seattle and had breakfast with lisagail on capitol hill. to all you people who fly: come visit me! it's not far!

our daybed is lumpy though.

today will be one last party day before I cut off the pills and booze for several days to regain something like intellectual function. they work well for poetry but not so well for dissertations. until time for recreational chemistry will sweep and mop the room that used to be C's but is now mine in preparation for painting the floor and maybe the trim tomorrow. would red trim look stupid on white walls? the window trim is already painted black like the floor. maybe I should just paint the all the trim black like the floor. maybe I shouldn't bother with the trim.

so many possibilities. so little taste.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake


on a quest for shelving options for my new room I took my city carshare beetle down to the Stonestown Galleria for the first time. despite what the website tries to hype it as, it is a mall. the moment I walked into it I was hungry and the moment I walked out I ceased to be hungry. I did not eat anything while I was there. I suspect subliminal promptings.

I went there to visit the local Hold Everything store which was so small and offered so little it should have been called the Hold Pretty Much Nothing store. there were five kinds of magazine files and two types of cd/dvd racks and no shelves at all. for some reason the store was stocked almost exclusively with little drawer units with little square drawers with little label holders on the drawers. apparently this was the Hold Your Extensive Collection of Three-By-Five Cards store.

from there I went to Macy's to look for a belt because either my old one is stretching or my ass is disappearing so I need a smaller one and all the 36's were gone.

after that I had no desire to stay at the mall. I remember when the mall was my entertainment center but that was when we were sixteen and just learning to drink beer and the mall had a pinball/video game arcade. I think perhaps I should write about this. pinball and tempest and beer kept me from suicide on many an occasion.

there were school age kids there who looked like they all just got out of school. they were laughing and yelling and hugging each other and I just thought about how weird it all was. kids should get together to paint pictures and write poetry. or at least take strong drugs that make them realize wonderful things.

anyway I should have gone to REI to spend my dividend but I had run out of time on my car reservation. something to do tomorrow. after I paint the floor.
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated