April 9th, 2004

mutts earl

items

1. it is finally paint-the-floor day.

2. I have adopted a five week old black and white tuxedo kitten. he stays with mom for a few more weeks so have time to talk Jackson into wanting a little brother.

3. only one week left of non-teaching and I have papers to grade but I'm not grading any today. those four weeks went fast.

4. I have no idea what I'm going to do for money this summer. anyone need poetry badly enough to pay for it?

5. I've been writing songs in my sleep again. woke up twice this morning to hum two melodies into my voicemail. will check in a bit to see if they are any good or even any different from each other. in my dreams they sounded wonderful but so much in your dreams can be wonderful or horrible that in the cold light of day is simply mundane.

6. I'm watching several vintage paint-by-number auctions on ebay. much of the household "art" belonged to C. plus I think I might actually have wall space in the new room. especially missed is the original Cheesecake on Plate that someone at school gave to her. it was really a painting of cheesecake. the kind you eat. the kind that comes out of the oven before you eat it.
  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy
mutts earl

drying out

that didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would. the man at Ace Hardware was right in that one little can just covered the hundred-or-so square feet of the room. there is a little left over in case I find that I've missed spots but painting black over an already mostly black floor is fairly easy.

it did make me sweat though. I painted with my shirt off and now there are little drops of me painted into the floor. I wonder whose sweat I painted over.

I'm anxious to put my shelves together. I can recoat the floor in 4 hours but something tells me I should wait at least a day before banging furniture around on it. someone tell me if I am wrong.

I found a pair of pants I decided I did not care about and then proceeded to get absolutely no paint on them. the nice thing about painting the floor is it does not drip down on you.

what is going to take fucking forever is getting all the shit in here into there once the floor is ready. the object density is slightly overwhelming. and considering it took five years to install all the shelves and geegaws under my loft I have no idea how long it is going to take to uninstall them. I need more time off.

that is pretty much my endless refrain but it is usually true.
  • Current Music
    The Microphones - My Warm Blood
hat

world hunger

two points of anxiety:

how to decommission ethernet router in here and plug in new wireless router in there without knocking myself off the internet for very long.

at what point to take loft apart and put it back together as I have to do it all in one day if I wish to sleep on it that night.
  • Current Music
    Gary Numan - Remind Me To Smile
hat

the real problem

the real problem is that S has gone camping for the weekend and I have papers to grade and a room to move into and a dissertation chapter to finish and no one is here to calm me down and tell me I am not a horrible person for not already having done all these things or that I am not a horrible person for preferring to move into the room over the other two.

and Jim is still dead.

not to be constantly harping on the same theme but I'm not over it yet.
  • Current Music
    Mecca Normal - Joelle
hat

life on your hands

I already feel guilty about getting another animal. not because of any garden variety neurosis that is telling me I don't deserve one or that I won't take good care of it or anything like that but because of the nearly infinite responsibility I feel for even the slightest of sufferings by anything in my care and because of the nearly infinite responsibility I feel for even the fact that this living thing can suffer. even though I had nothing to do with calling it into being to begin with.

or maybe I did. maybe when they enter my universe it is all instantly my fault.

sometimes when I look at Jackson I just feel terribly sorry even though he's healthy and happy and suffers very little. he might suffer some day and my inevitable inadequacy in protecting him from such a thing is difficult to accept. and now I'm going to be responsible for another one.

this insta-guilt is not necessarily a bad thing and I'm not really complaining so much as remarking how this sort of thing gets spread around from life to life.
  • Current Music
    The Decemberists - Shiny