July 22nd, 2004


no particular order

I braved the gasps of fellow laundromat patrons today by displaying my huge collection of socks, freshly laundered. and instead of buying a cart to replace the one c bought long ago which has fallen apart I hoisted my laundry on my back like a real man and schlepped it down the street. it was painful and I think before next time I do laundry (end of august?) I might spring for that cart.

my right ear is fucked up. yesterday I could hear out of it but today I can only just barely and it's driving me insane because it makes it seem like the whole world is carrying on just to my left. I can hear the rumble of my own voice, though, louder than usual, and my therapist who of course doubles as my mother suggested there might be a fluid accumulation of some kind in there. and it does sound just like having water in my ear. am thinking I should have someone else look in there.

the only way I know I can hear the rumble of my own voice is through talking to myself which I do and don't try to convince me that you don't. housemate S is in Pittsburgh with her family although I don't know just why they all went to Pittsburgh. it may be some family function but that is just an educated guess. I am all alone with the animals and have to say I kind of wish I weren't. S takes care of the rats and bunnies and although I am handy with animal types I'm still nervous I will do something wrong because unlike cats I have not been acquainted with rats and bunnies since childhood. I think I might be giving the bunnies too much to eat as their cages are strewn with leaves and the store of veggies S left for us is running low. S also brings tree leaves home for them to eat but I don't know which kinds are okay so if the leafage runs out I will go buy them some lettuce and cilantro and such. maybe some mint.

that and since we are down to two people in the household I no longer find myself wishing for time alone. with this big room where I can do almost anything I could think of to do except watch tv I've been spending a fair amount of time alone even when S is here. with her gone it is easy to sit in here all day except for the nightly visit to the taqueria. I wouldn't mind a telephone conversation or two but all said I like staying in and am not really wishing I had many social engagements outside the house. those wear me out. no I want someone to come to my room and talk to me. I called C yesterday but no answer and no call back so far and she has been starting a new lovey relationship thing so I suspect she is all wrapped up in newness and passion and all that stuff that makes me want to scream and run away. might try her again tonight just to pester.

I could call lisagail too and might yet. consider yourself forewarned. put the coffee on.

there is no one else I really call.
::think think::
yeah there isn't anyone else. which is not surprising given my wary attitude towards phones in general.

it is time to look for dinner although I'm oddly not very hungry. today I've had a candy bar and a cookie. the milk was bad so I ruined a bowl of cereal and had to flush it. bypassed the digestive system completely. efficient, in a way. keeps the spare tire to a modest size too.
  • Current Music
    The Cure - One Hundred Years

farm hand

I take the bold step of letting the bunnies out while I clean their cages and then I sit down next to the five-rat clan and open their cage and let them run around on me and on the chair and the desk and I put some banana chips in my shirt pocket and one of the rats probably the smartest one immediately finds them and starts carrying them away one by one. I'm thinking I'm really enjoying the pitter patter of small feet up and down my arms and across my shoulders and the cats come in and look at me and the rats and start investigating more closely which they rarely do when s has the rats out because it is me the cats follow around the house and not her and I'm making sure the cats don't construe the rats as prey which turns out not to be very difficult as they are still a little afraid of the rats.

scraps of paper and towels and pens don't stand a chance against these cats but rats are a little scary.

so I sit there occasionally counting tails so I know where everyone is and after a while I decide to put these rats away and take out the other two from the other cage as having them all out at once is too much not to mention one rat from one clan bit a little piece out of one of the rats from the other clan once when s had them out together so it is best not to let them encounter one another. at last tail count I only had four so I figure the remaining rat is under the desk or something and I began catching them and putting them away.

after I catch all that I can see I count tails and there are only four in the cage so I look under things and behind things and I see no fifth rat so I count tails again thinking maybe someone was hiding in the box in their cage but still only four so I go get a flashlight the better to see under and behind things with and do a thorough check of the room but still no fifth rat so somewhat obsessively I go back to the cage and make sure there are only four in there and I even reach in and shake the little box but the way the multilevel cage is put together I can't quite maneuver so as to pick it up and look in it but shaking it elicits no apparent reaction from inside so I put it down and pick up the flashlight and look under everything again.

now it is possible that one of them got out of the room when I was not looking although I had been watching the door fairly vigilantly but I figure checking under things in the rest of the house might not be a bad idea but first I count the rats in the cage again and there are still only four so I check under the fridge and under the tub and under the wardrobe in the livingroom and under the daybed where I see bunnies but no rats.

I check the cage again where there remain four rats and then I go look under and behind everything I have already looked under and behind and am beginning to think that I'm going to have to sit in the middle of the house all evening and wait for the missing rat to walk by and beyond that I'm trying to imagine how I will explain to s that I lost a rat but that it must still be in here somewhere and I am somewhat worried that Santiago will find the rat first and although he is well-behaved towards them is not as afraid of them as Jackson is and so might possibly mistake one for something he should catch and try to kill.

I do all this several more times.

finally I decide to stop looking and just sit in the chair until something stirs but just before sitting I count the rats in the cage again and now there are five.

thanks for speaking up I say to them.
  • Current Music
    The Moody Blues - Tuesday Afternoon (Forever Afternoon)