in a minute I must look over the million and one measures, initiatives, and propositions that are on the ballot here one last time so I can remember which to vote for, which to vote against, and which not to vote on at all. I've never seen so many of the damned things before; there are so many I might actually have to write down what to vote on. don't we pay our legislature and supervisors to figure out this stuff for us? the chances of the electorate actually making an informed decision on all these things must be right there around zero.
anyway then it is the decision whether or not to look at the news before 9pm this evening. I don't even know how the reporting will work. exit polls till the polls close on the west coast? or will fox news call the election for bush based on 1% of the vote in florida having been counted by noon? in any case my anxiety levels will probably do best if I just don't turn on the tv.
I am alone on election night and it only just now is occuring to me that I should have invited people over because no one invited me over so my only other option would be to go to some bar where I wouldn't know anyone. Sandy tells me there is something going on in the Castro this evening so I could go up there later but we'll see how attached I feel to my chair and my bathroom. I like these two things an awful lot and on a night where one might need much shoring up and comfort there is nothing quite like one's own chair and one's own bathroom.
the other day I was thinking and realized that even if Bush wins he won't come to my house and tell me that everything I've ever done was wrong.
I mean this is the extent to which I've gotten myself worked up over the election as though the universe will change into that place where god throws most of his creatures into the lake of fire and I will have a boot on my ass telling me to eat dirt the rest of my life if Kerry loses.
must keep perspective.
as is I'm in San Francisco and none of my friends are interested in sending me to hell or saving my soul and in the long run I will always be able to think what I please even if it gets me killed. really if death is the worst option there is not so much to worry about. more horrifying are the fates worse than death that my imagination spins up out of the abyss which in the end is only its own membrane thrust blindly up from the earth to endure gods know what until it can recede again.
I mean I think that's what the basements in all my dreams represent. it's only horrible because I disappear there but otherwise what is it but skin really. skin lacerated and caressed.
yeah the election has weirded me out.
we went to the castro and kerry wasn't doing so well there so we came home and now everything hinges on ohio which no one wants to call.
I would take a klonopin and go to bed except I am full of beer and they say klonopin on top of beer is not a good thing.
there's trazadone I suppose.
everyone should have the medicine cabinet I have.
how could anyone have voted for the man? I do not understand this although I understand it too well.