March 7th, 2005



tomorrow I get the root canal. I was supposed to do this last week but I sort of forgot when scheduling it that I was scheduling it for the same day I had to finish grading the midterms. so I had to postpone and either tomorrow was the soonest they had or a week later is as soon as you can get after canceling an appointment with less than two hours' notice.

I'm a little scared although if I lived through the torture that was my last dentist visit surely I will be ok this time around. the hell of it is that when I am nervous I get very quiet so it will be hard for me to express that I would like some good drugs please. maybe I will give them the wild-eyed frightened animal look and see what that nets me.

or maybe I should just take a klonopin with the vicodin and go drifting in there already four feet off the ground.

must go to bed. this is going to be the busiest week ever. well it's already started by being very busy today. I made myself a schedule last night and did not manage to stick to it today. it took me an extra fifteen minutes to shower and somewhere I lost time by eating a bowl of cereal too slowly and by the time I got to school the two hours I had budgeted for dissertation work had shrunk to thirty-five minutes and I need more time than that to get any kind of a head of steam so instead of doing any work I IM'ed lisagail until time for class. she has a new computer so our conversations are extra exciting now.

tomorrow has me getting out of bed at 8am and out the door by 9:15. I remember when I could drag myself out of bed, throw on the clothes that were lying on the floor, brush my teeth, and be out of the house ten minutes after awakening. my god I can't even face the cats ten minutes after awakening now. you know I would take the bus all the way to Bellevue before having my first cup of coffee? you know I would actually make it to the bus stop without any coffee?

ah the boundless energy of youth.
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