March 29th, 2005



having slept through most of the day I told myself I must do work while awake no matter when that wakefulness occurred so I've been grading papers and it is still going very very slowly and I hope that they at least appreciate the time I am taking with them even though I am late getting them done.

but I don't think that up until now I had ever graded a paper at 1am. seeing the day through in the middle of the night gives one a special feeling as though one is special for keeping watch when your half of the earth is asleep. someone has to stay up and make sure everything goes ok and I guess this week it is my job.

if I'm up like this tomorrow night I might do laundry after I grade papers. the new laundromat at the end of the block is open 24 hours and is discounted from midnight to 6am. I'm not sure I want to wheel my laundry down Mission Street in the middle of the night but really it's just around the corner so I wouldn't be wheeling very far.

you know I have no idea what I will be doing or where I will be doing it a year from now. this bothers me some.
  • Current Mood
    pensive pensive

avoiding the rush

since I slept through most of yesterday I feel only a little remorse for being a day late in wishing johnnydarco a happy birthday.

allow me to stand as a cautionary tale of living to your forties but then again don't let that tale dampen your joy at another year on earth. wo0t!
  • Current Music
    The Go-Go's - We Got The Beat


this may be the most disturbing thing to have happened to me in the last decade. I have no idea what to do about this or how to move on. my daily routine is on the brink of being shattered, blown by the winds of change onto the boulders of uncertainty.

I'm losing my taste for can cun burritos.

I don't know if they've changed their brand of grease or if we've hit a bad batch of sour cream or what but for the past week and a half I haven't been able to eat a whole burrito because something in it makes me a little ill about 2/3 of the way through. it obviously isn't something completely rotten because rather than developing into full blown gastric distress over the course of the evening, the queasiness passes as soon as I stop eating.

I fear I am getting tired of them.

this is cause for great alarm. where else can one get a pound of protein for less than $5 besides fast food which always makes me queasy anyway? my god I'll have to start cooking for myself or something. although dollar for dollar I guess a switch to pizza would only cost about $365 a year extra.

my life has centered around the 5:30 burrito for something like seven years now. I honestly don't know how those of you who have something different for dinner every night manage to do so without massive anxiety. I like to know way ahead of time what my dinner will be and where it will come from. it's the anchor of my day, the focus point of all longing from the moment I open my eyes.

ok that's not quite true. coffee is what I long for upon opening my eyes but once the delicious warmth of the first few sips has passed I start thinking about that burrito.

see now I'm going to have to get over the embarrassment of having my order known by all who work at the establishment all over again, with the pizza place if I decide to go with pizza till 2012, or with some other place if I can dream up some other object of culinary obsession.

but right now, the thing that is bothering me the most, is that I am already worried about what I will eat tonight. what will it be?

I'm going to lose weight.
  • Current Music
    Patti Smith - Radio Ethiopia