August 28th, 2005



I'm taking a day of rest today. it seems indicated given the sudden outburst on my face and it would probably do me good to sit and meditate all day. not that I will, but I will sit a couple of times at least.

the other day I decided I should learn blues guitar as I find that blues riffs are always going through my head but since I never learned any scales I can't pick up a guitar and play them without an inordinate amount of figuring. this I think is a better goal than "completely relearn guitar" as I have the physical skill to play decently if I just learned where the notes were and this would make for a more immediate return than the finger exercises I was doing before.

in the meantime yesterday I did a little computer art:

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the original is a little bigger but I want to do a great big one that I can print as an 8x10. my poor little powerbook (obsolete the month after I bought it) can hardly keep the current version of photoshop running with small files. with big files it's like working with my ancient G3 upgrade.

anyway I like drawing lines. there is a calligraphy workshop at the zen center in november that I think I'm going to go to. sitting contemplatively making marks on paper really appeals to me.

today then it is either guitar or art. or maybe both!
  • Current Mood
    artistic artistic


meditated. it was good except for a slight feeling of nausea compounded by my noticing that I cannot keep my eyes perfectily still and thus my field of vision is always moving slightly this way and that. the nausea itself could be from a number of things and is not at all surprising but is unwelcome.

am beginning to think a nap would be the best thing to do right now but I wanted to be awake to do things today but one can't always get what one wants. the alternative is to force myself to stay awake and go to bed extra early but I suspect that forcing oneself to stay awake in the middle of an outbreak is not the most advisable thing to do.

but what if I sleep for several hours now and can't fall asleep at my usual 8pm? I guess that is a bridge to cross once I am there.

nighty night.
  • Current Mood
    sick sick

well that didn't help

the nap lasted for five hours and now my face looks worse but I think it is because it got very warm up on my bed and I slept on the side with the spots. it still doesn't hurt as much and the ones that were there before are less swollen than yesterday.

anyway. who knows. we'll see in the morning which way it seems to be going and that will determine whether I go back to the doctor tomorrow.

I'd sure like to have gotten something done the last two days but I suppose this is a good lesson in patience and pace. I'm still sleepy and after I go get food and eat it I doubt I will be up for very late tonight. I'm a little less freaked out today at least. I may have sores all up the one side of my face but they really aren't as repulsive as I was imagining yesterday. maybe I will turn the webcam on and give you all a look. they probably are not remarkable enough to see on camera.

shoes. socks. not necessarily in that order.
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed


watching live news broadcasts from New Orleans via a blog link is certainly not succeeding in lowering my stress levels. it is humbling to know that my problems are really rather trivial.

now that I've heard about the tornados traveling west across southern louisiana at 50mph I am going to go to bed and try not to dream about tornados. at some point during the night last night I was under low cloud cover and thought to myself if you just don't think about them they won't appear because I knew I was dreaming but even when I know I'm dreaming I still don't want to see one.

I am not sure what they represent other than a fate worse than death. I guess that's enough. oddly I don't dream of my childhood conception of hell nearly as often as I dream of tornados. I guess that would be too direct for dream language.

best wishes to the gulf coast.
  • Current Mood
    scared scared