August 30th, 2005


sickroom update

well I'm just depressed. my face may be slightly better this morning but it still looks like someone has been punching me repeatedly. I have to go back to the eye doctor this afternoon to see how the eye is doing. they said it might be possible that the upped acyclovir would help it to resolve in these past 24 hours but who knows.

I realize there are worse places to get this than on your face, but why on the face? why not, say, on my ribs or even my ass? although I guess sitting would be a problem with the latter. why not on my belly?

I am going to email the art institute to let them know that I am sick and that I should be fine by the time I begin teaching but there are some things I wanted to do this week with them that I might or might not get to in a timely fashion. good idea, fu_le_bear.

I think though that the best thing to do today, besides going to the doctor in the middle of the day which kind of obliterates most of the day, would be to try to pretend I'm not sick. assuming I don't get all sleepy like I did the day before yesterday. so now I will shower and then I will meditate and then I will get on BART and go look after what needs looking after.

maybe later I'll actually do some work.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

progress chart

the eye doctor people are still seeing a lesion on my eye so I now have antiviral drops that go in every two hours and which I must wash thoroughly from my hands afterwards as they are carcinogenic but apparently negligibly absorbed systemically through the eye. medicine is interesting in the way it has to be careful not to kill you in curing you.

otherwise there is not much to report. my face looks marginally better today than it did yesterday but it seems like the lesions are creeping downward, leaving half healed bumps in their wake. it would be nice if the acyclovir really kicked in right... about.... now. on the other hand at this rate it will soon leave my face and bury itself under my shirt. at least then maybe people will stop looking at me funny.

yes. it's contagious. but only if you kiss me.

I didn't mention that on saturday I went a-meditating at the zen center for the saturday zazen for beginners sitting where a priest corrects your posture gently and this time instead of getting me to arch my back a bit more he tried to get my shoulders even which with scoliosis actually throws me out of balance. I am wondering how to signal to them that I am built crooked; it is very quiet and I don't feel comfortable murmuring "don't bother" every time they touch my shoulders. I also have very square shoulders and so they work extra hard at pushing down to get me to relax. you'd think they would be familiar with all sorts of body types running a zendo in the big city.

but I will keep going anyway. I managed to only barely shift a little during the whole 40 minutes. who knew that sitting still was so difficult? I mean sure we knew it was hard when we were 5 but I bet you think you've gotten better at it since then.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay

(no subject)

once again I should probably stop reading and watching news from New Orleans and surrounding areas but I feel about as bad for them now as I did for New York back when. people are wondering if the city will survive but I'd say any city loved by its people will survive just about whatever gets thrown at it but you do have to ask what are they going to do with all that water given that the city itself is below the sea. maybe they should just move everything a few miles to the northwest.

one thing that occurs to me is that GWB won't be able to declare war on anyone as a consequence of this or at least if he did he'd have to go apostate. isn't it interesting that many more can die but the men of god will be sure to justify the carnage and surely it won't be long before one of them points out that New Orleans was a den of iniquity but of course they will have to completely overlook, say, Biloxi in order to make this work. someone should really take note of where the awful weather is every single year and try to come up with some idea of just what god might be trying to say.

I don't mean this of course because god does not speak and certainly does not want anything. divinity is flooded out of its living quarters and up into the attic and gives up a little ghost everytime someone does not succeed in knocking out the roof to be airlifted away. the whole complex system that makes these things possible is certainly completely out of hand.

tomorrow it will cause the sun to shine in my neighborhood and I will go about my business but don't think I am not thinking about you.
  • Current Mood
    sympathetic sorry
nancy fight

but really. how do you feel?

nothing sucks quite like herpes on the face. now the doctor says it is most likely type one, which everyone is exposed to at some point and so anyone at all could come down with this if they were stressed or otherwise physically compromised, but still I feel like I have a big scarlet "A" branded on the left side of my face.

"hello. I have herpes! glad to meet you," my face seems to say to every passerby. and this is san francisco, where having had sex is supposed to be ok.

I guess I am getting the slightest taste of what it is like to have any obvious chronic condition that announces itself immediately upon appearances. a neon sign flashing diseased! diseased! diseased! and here I never even leave my room and haven't had sex for eight years. I kid you not. eight years it's been and I don't care if I ever have it again. I've tried it a number of times and it has yet to work out well for me. it only took four doses of lsd for me to learn not ever to do that again.

ugh. if I have to wake up to angry little red knots on my cheek again tomorrow well I just might scream.

scream I tell you.
  • Current Mood
    distressed vain