September 12th, 2005



today is my first chance to make a fool of myself at the art institute. really the best thing that could happen is that I look like a complete dork today so that there is nowhere to go but up.

I still don't know where our room is. I'm going to get there half an hour early and hope that someone is in an office somewhere and can tell me where to go and how to open the door.
  • Current Mood
    scared scared


they did not kill me and eat me.

in fact once I got started talking it was difficult to keep myself on track enough not to go droning on and on into the second half of class of which we did not have one today because it was intro day.

now I sit in the cafe where someone has put old Cure on the stereo and there is this nice view across the golden gate to alcatraz and thinking that maybe I will be ok through this. when I woke up this morning I initially felt immediate dread but once I got into the room and saw the people there were just people I relaxed.

now I don't know why this is. rooms full of unknown people never cause me to relax but maybe it is because at art school most of them look like abject misfits too. I kind of expected to feel a little uncool enough for them but that did not happen, perhaps due to my new fashionable hair-do or no-hair-do and perhaps due to my finally feeling at the ripe old age of 43 that I have a right to be myself in any situation.

this is also new.

so I'd say that it went pretty well insofar as no one fell asleep and no one asked me a question that made me look foolish and really the only mishap of the morning was that I dripped coffee on my white shirt. why does this always happen? I never drip coffee on any of my other shirts. always the white ones. as there was no faucet available I tried to wring out what little I could. I have a bottle of water now and am thinking of pouring it on my shirt. would that be a good idea? if I don't treat the stains now will they set? I don't know about these things.

but so tomorrow is going to be my day off as I've decided that will be tuesdays this semester since mondays are the Big Day over and over and over again.

I will start worrying about next week presently. right now though I'm just going to be really glad that the first day is over. and I didn't even need any more klonopin.
  • Current Mood
    relieved relieved