September 27th, 2005

mutts earl


day off. yesterday I successfully lived through week three of teaching or that is I successfully lived through teaching the third class. I have "office" hours tomorrow--there is no office so I sit in the school cafe--but those are generally no big deal as once we run out of things to say, we can just end the conversation!

I am thinking of not droning on at them next week quite so much as I have been but I'm not sure exactly what I want to do instead. maybe do a mini-drone and then try to have a little more discussion than usual. I thought it necessary to sort of force-feed them Platonic metaphysics and Nietzsche's reaction thereto, but now might be a good time to start encouraging them to fly a little on their own.

we are reading letters and poetry from Rimbaud, letters from van Gogh, and a two-page bit from Nietzsche. I thought I would try to find some early van Gogh drawings and watercolors online to bring them in to show what he was talking about in his early letters. I don't know that it is necessary to bring in later ones although one can always find details if one studies the real thing rather than relying upon one's memory of, say, "Night Cafe" or "The Sower." it seems that from there conversation could go in many different directions but I need to articulate the two or three main points behind my decision to have them read this particular combo.

well anyway I shouldn't be thinking about this now. I should be thinking of all the fun things I want to do today! what do I want to do?? maybe I will put up shelves and rearrange my room so that I can place all these candles I've been buying. of course the thing is that will have to have them all where I can keep an eye on them and any passing cats who decide to do research.

I could draw.
I could play guitar.

what if I put up shelves, played guitar, and then drew? in a younger time I could have done all three things in one day but now time has accelerated to the extent that I will be lucky to get in one and a half of these activities. part of the problem though is me sitting here deliberating. I think maybe that is where all the time has gone.

another problem is that I'm thinking I might want different shelves from the ones I bought. hm. dilemma.
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I seem to have cleaned my room. partially, at least. the shelves are up and two piles of boxes are waiting at the top of the stairs to be escorted to recycling. the big box that santiago likes to hide in is still in here but I think I want a table where it is. I will keep the box until I find something that has a nice flat surface on the top for me and some sort of hidey hole on the bottom for him. I think I want some sort of small industrial workbench looking thing. I don't guess I'd find that at Ikea although I might get a car and go look for the hell of it.

not that I have money. my paycheck did not appear in my bank account so tomorrow while I am over at sfai I am going to have to hunt someone down. here we go again? bleh. I hope not. the two little teaser checks I finally got out of blue cross have never been followed up by anything more substantial. I think from now on I'm going to bug my therapist for monthly statements so that I can bill them regularly and try to keep them honest. hitting them with 18 months' worth of weekly visits does not seem to be the way to get money out of them.

I miss feeling really good about having cleaned. I don't know what happened to that feeling or the one that actually motivated me at times to clean way down deep getting on hands and knees with a scrub brush but I lost both feelings some time ago and they never returned. I mean I am happy to have freed up some floor space in here and one particular corner has improved its looks greatly but eh. this used to give me a boost that would last into evening.

somewhere with my breasts and my sanity I managed to slough that one off.

dang. there are no cars available nearby until this evening when it will be too late to shop but time to go to bed. I could roam the neighborhood for castoffs I suppose or I could take the quest online. there are no used furniture stores left in the mission except for "vintage" dealers who charge outrageously.

I wonder if I could have a used industrial workbench delivered. these days most anything is possible.

after cleaning my room and rearranging some things I unwrapped the candles I bought and man one of them is stinkypoo. I'm burning it now in order to reduce its time left in existence.
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