October 2nd, 2005



I can't say I'm happy it's sunday. I can't even say that it is better than being monday because really once monday morning rolls around there's nothing I can do but go and talk and that is so final and yet fleeting--once it's over it's blessedly over and that only takes a little more than an hour--that I simply lay my fate down upon the preparation I've already done, realizing that one can never do enough but one almost always still does way too much.

Today I have to somehow get Rimbaud into the equation but even though in many ways he is opposite to van Gogh in temperament and theory they ended up doing very similar things which is one interesting part but the really interesting part has to do with how they both address the question of representation at a time when abstract art had not yet come to be or was just beginning to think about itself.

but the other interesting thing is how I'm going to explain their work in light of Nietzsche's suggestion that we ditch both sides of the metaphysical dichotomy of real vs representation.

excuse me while I write my outline.
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    stressed stressed


ok here's an outline of what I'm going to attempt to say tomorrow. there's about twice as much there as I will be able to get out, and unfortunately the most important thing is not my own argument but that they know stuff like what a symbolist poet was or what romanticism meant and to me that is the boring part but I put it first just so they'd get it if nothing else.

will try to breeze through the first half so as not to leave us all wondering what I was doing assigning Rimbaud and van Gogh in a class on "critical theory." the other unfortunate thing is that I had no idea it would take me so long and so much effort to explain the reason even to myself. I think though that I might get a paper out of it if I wanted.

my head hurts now.
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    sore sore

toothpick please

I am waiting to hear from housemate Sandy as to her ETA at the bar where she and some other people are celebrating her birthday which is tomorrow. I told her if they got there early I'd join for a short time but of course I'm sitting here just about ready to turn in. those of you who know Sandy know that when she says 6:30 she might actually mean 10:30 but if I haven't heard from her by 8 I will just go to bed. if I can stay awake that long.

I should make coffee. for tomorrow. the newish coffee maker has no timer. :/

one way to get the phone to ring might be to start meditating. yes. that is a good idea.

incidentally I'm thinking of getting rid of the stinkypoo candle. I thought it would fade after being unwrapped for awhile but it just overwhelms everything else even the "resin on a stick" cedar torches incense I bought the other day. burning it doesn't really bring out the smell that much so I guess I could just light it now and let it burn for two days till it was gone. except that would mean leaving a candle burning unattended and after awakening in a burning house I won't do anything at all that might even remotely cause a fire. I mean it is difficult enough for me to talk myself into using electricity.

doesn't it seem especially foolhardy that we wire our highly flammable homes with conduits that are likely to catch fire? I think so, but still I use the outlets.

and I bought a lighter and filled it with fluid but I am careful to keep it out of the sun.
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    sleepy sleepy


she only called twenty minutes late. maybe just maybe the universe is slipping back into that dimension where things go right..?

I will have a beer and then excuse myself off to bed. it's hard being an old man but somebody has to do it.
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    tired tired