November 17th, 2005



I'm up. it's about time to go to the laundromat with all my dirty socks and get started. when I am done with that it will be time to grade papers and after that I should do some reading and after that well I think that will be about all.

there is not enough time and there keeps being less and less of it.

when I got up this morning my left eye felt like it had a tiny glass shard in it so I teared and tried to carefully work whatever it was to the corner where I could pick it out of my eye and kept trying and kept trying and it kept hurting and the tears were streaming down my face when suddenly it got better.

I don't have a clue what it was. my eye is a little sore now. maybe some artificial tears are in order. I wonder if I should put some antibiotic ointment in there. it still feels scratchy but not like there is something actually poking it like before.
  • Current Mood
    rushed rushed


laundry is done. it seriously takes three hours including hanging up the wet shirts that don't go in the dryer and pairing all 42 or however many pairs of socks. as I was pairing and folding I had a thought and looked in the outside pocket of my duffel bag to see if I had remembered to empty it and no there were two unlaundered shirts in there. fsck. if they weren't two of my favorite shirts that I wear all the danged time I would not be so unhappy but they are and so will either be the subject of a handwashing or special one-load trip to the laundromat soon. I'm sure that one load of shirts would not take three hours.

but so this is why I got up early to do it. I suppose if I did laundry more often and had only two weeks' worth of socks it wouldn't take so long but I don't know how much difference the folding actually would make. the dryers would still take almost an hour to get my sweats dry.

now I have more things to do although I am pondering not doing them just because I haven't had two days off in a little while. well at least two weeks. that is, last week I only took one day off so this week I want two but I don't know if I can afford it. I have papers to grade and I have to get my 90 or so pages ready to turn in to Judith by 12/5 so I am going to have to concentrate my energy on that for a little while and let other things slide because I don't seem to be able to do more than one thing at a time. in the middle of all this can I do ok if I took two days off this week?

oh I just don't know. on the one hand a day off sounds nice and refreshing and is supposed to recharge your batteries but sort of like drinking once I've had one day off I just want another. and another. and another. but there is no question of my taking more than today off so that at least would be self-limiting.

santiago says take day off and chase me around house. oh to have a big friendly creature trained to entertain you and feed you and keep you safe. that's really what we all need.
  • Current Mood
    lazy lazy

how I spent my summer vacation

I took the day off. I figured it might be my last in a little while as I rush to put together the dissertation so far into a more or less organized whole. I'm afraid. I hope that somewhere in those 90 pages is something that looks like a dissertation. I've never written one before although I've read a couple and mine is not as dry as many but I'm not entirely certain that is a good thing but well it's too late now.

all my laundry is done. I was going to shave my head and shower and I suppose I still could I just wouldn't get to bed by 8 and then be up at 5. I suppose going to bed at 9 and getting up at 6 might be worth the shave and the clean body. once again Sandy is here so I don't know about standing around in my underwear to shave my head so maybe I'll put on some real shorts over my shorts.

then I can try not to drown in the shower as I am a bit sleepy. still I think this might be the best way to spend the next little bit. I did not get to putting up the blinds I bought two months ago or the shelves I bought a couple of weeks ago. maybe one day or maybe I will take them with me in their boxes to the next place I live when I move out of here in, oh, ten years or so.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

a little off the top

freshly balded. this time I used the clippers at the shortest setting and there are still little 1/32" hairs sticking out but that's fine. if I shaved down to the skin I'd have to worry about ingrown hairs. as is I did manage to slice a little out of the top of one ear. nothing noticeable but I suddenly feel a kinship with van gogh that goes beyond the red beard.

I guess this means it is bedtime. I want to stay up and play but then the other part of me, most noticeably the eyelid part, wants to go to sleep and wake up early and start being virtuous. not that today wasn't virtuous but I didn't do anything that the world is tapping its foot at me for but rather other things that I want to do probably in part precisely because the world is not tapping its foot at me. I don't understand social expectations. why do we submit to them? why are they important? why is it if I don't get this degree I will probably sink into a dismal depression for gods only know how long?

I don't know. I do know that I've gotten myself caught up in having people expect things from me and my therapist thinks that's a good thing. I'm still not so sure myself. I'm not very good in situations where people are waiting for me to do something. knowing exactly why that is does not particularly help.
  • Current Mood
    nostalgic bald