soon we will all sit and watch student presentations together. these things always make me a little nervous besides the normal conversation-nervous in that getting everyone in there and going and out of there on time is a little like running a vaudeville show without rehearsal. I have to trust everyone not to go over their time limit and decide whether to "gong" those who do--of course almost everyone will because they too are nervous and afraid they won't have enough material so they prepare way too much.
checked email as soon as I got here and no one has jumped out of bed this morning to respond to my dissertation. I didn't really think they would but just thought I'd check. I'm fairly certain that this whole thing is the main reason my unease continues on into the week. sure there are other things to be out of sorts about but this is beooming an obsession.
should I email Judith if the obsession gets out of hand or just continue to wait?
oh this sucks.
I need to go get something to eat for dinner. yesterday I had three bowls of cereal in between falling asleep in the chair so I need a substantial meal. I have no idea what to get or where to go to get it.
I could get some premade pasta at the whole foods store. I do need cereal there after all. I could also get a couple of frozen entrees (one is not enough) but at $5 a pop I might as well go out to eat but I don't really feel like going out to eat so I suppose $10 for frozen food might be worth the being able to stay in. I don't feel like a burrito--I have been getting the less greasy kind from a place that (horrors!) steams their tortillas instead of grilling them but I don't really want one tonight from them or from the old usual place. but I'd better eat soon as I can feel my blood sugar dropping by the second and in a minute I might go on a rampage.
guess I'll go to the store and see what looks edible.
it suddenly occurs to me that my relatively recently acquired ability to fall fast asleep sitting upright in a chair is a sign. of old age. how many young people do you know who will be watching tv or reading one moment, and the next be soundly sleeping without having moved a muscle to make themselves more comfortable. I never used to be able to do this and I never understood how grandma could fall asleep in the middle of a livingroom conversation but now I am beginning to get an idea of just how insistent sleep can be.
yeah I was sleeping in my chair again. fortunately sandy came home and I woke up to the sound of her key in the door, got up and came in here and will begin preparations for bed momentarily. chair sleep, although necessary, is not as restful as bed sleep and cannot be counted for part of a night's worth or at least you have to discount the total number of hours.
I'm also beginning to wonder if I'm on some reverse cycle with the T where I "peak" by falling asleep all the damned time. well it could be worse I suppose. right now sleeping sounds quite appealing since I can't seem to get ahold of a good way to manage the stress of waiting for a verdict on my writing and thus have been in a lousy mood for days and when that happens sleep is the best medicine not because I feel any better upon awakening but because during the time I am asleep I don't feel bad anymore.
there were times I'd sleep pretty much all day for that reason. suicide or nap? nap is almost always the better choice. kurt cobain should have just taken a nap.