the good news is that I will be done with the grading by the end of the day.
the good news is that I have three weeks till classes begin.
the good news is that no one has written me to tell me to give up on my dissertation.
the bad news is that I'm depressed for no reason.
the bad news is that I can't pay the rent till after the 10th.
the bad news is that there will be no time to paint today.
the good news is my therapist's plane did not crash and so she will see me today. I guess instead of painting I will go on about myself. doesn't she ever get tired of people going on about themselves?
the grades are in finally and I still haven't received all the papers so who the hell knows when I will really be done with this class but I guess at this point it is not so much my problem as theirs. I am still depressed for no reason but my therapist thinks I spent too much of the holidays alone to which I said just before the end of today's session oh and it's my birthday next week.
I guess I should put something together for myself by way of celebration but I don't feel terribly capable of organizing a big to-do. maybe this feeling will pass but it will have to pass soon. I need to decide just where I should place myself so that my friends can stop by and wish me well. drinking doesn't do it for me right now but maybe I can think of a place that serves both beer and coffee. good coffee.
I'm freezing my ass off. today when I came in I was suffering from low blood sugar sweats and my usual sweat-like-a-horse-if-I-move-at-all sweats so I stripped off my shirt and sat here sweating and shivering at the same time and I haven't quite recovered. the heat is on in the other room and my electric heater is on in here but it's san francisco and the walls leak and the sun has not been out for two days so the insides of all the houses are about the same temperature as the outsides of all the houses now. welcome to winter. in a sec I will search for long underwear and further iterations of flannel.
the bus and the big gulp of coffee I had before the bus conspired to make me slightly nauseous on the way home and that hasn't passed yet either. I should have gotten ginger ale on the way home. I do have fizzy water which is helpful but doesn't get all the way at the problem.
I did have a bowl of cereal for dinner. the perks of adulthood.
there. obviously the key to surviving san francisco winters indoors is to dress as though you were spending the winters outdoors. with long underwear, flannel pants, silk tshirt, cotton tshirt, long sleeved thermal midlayer shirt, sweatshirt with hood and stocking cap I am now toasty. in fact I might have to turn my heater off.
oddly this is making me happy in a way I hadn't anticipated. apparently dressing up as though you were in your tent can make you feel as though you really are in your tent.
I need me some camping.