January 11th, 2006



I woke up vaguely depressed. celebration letdown? work panic? lisa's mom? yeah probably.

the best thing for this would be to do some work I think although I don't know whether I ought to work on my dissertation or on my paying jobs as I'm way behind on the latter and the morning is already slipping away as I slept in till 8:30 after my riotous night. !

I should email the people in charge of my paying jobs to notify them of my brief burst of availability here. I wanted to do this two weeks ago but time always conspires against one. which gets worse as you get older, by the way.

as I sit and contemplate which to do I see that I will feel panicked and guilty about whichever one I don't do so it seems I'd better get a little done on each. which means I'd better get going which is to say I'd better sit very soon.

I'd take a klonopin to quell the panic but it tends to make vague depression less vague. oh the vicissitudes of chemical mood regulation.

santiago sleeps in my lap as though nothing were amiss. he's probably right.
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suggestion box

if you decided you wanted to do something nice for yourself in the next few hours but really didn't know what and really didn't have lots of money to budget for it, what would you contemplate doing?

in a minute I have to go pay the (late) rent and then I want to know what I should do next. I'm still slightly depressed although I did manage to get a couple of things done today that I'd been putting off for no reason other than the usual It Involves Contacting People.

I'm not yet hungry but I'm sure I will be soon. I need cereal for tomorrow. plus I'm out of snack bars of various sorts. I can't imagine what I might want for dinner though. it might be the cereal I buy!
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it is not yet 8 but I think very soon I will be sound asleep. it wasn't a long day exactly and I did not do anything strenuous but I'm about as sleepy as a person can be without hallucinating small furry creatures scurrying off out of one's peripheral vision.

thus I fear I must heed the call of the warm blankets and purring soft cats. how could one not want to be in bed with a pendleton blanket and two sweet cats? it's a wonder I get up in the mornings. this morning santiago even hit the snooze button for me. I don't know if he's figured out that's where to step to get the obnoxious guys on the radio to shut up or if was pure chance. he's pretty smart but I don't know if he's that smart.

he will stretch on command though. he likes to stretch out to the greatest length possible while I am holding him on his back and I've begun to be able to tell him to do it. I've never had a cat that obeyed any voice commands. can openers and refrigerator doors, sure. but not actual spoken words.

it is true that although I don't think he's a little person in a cat suit I do think that one of these days he's just going to start talking to me.
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