January 23rd, 2006


cold start

oh it's taking too long to get out of the house this morning. I need more laundry detergent and the laundromat charges outrageously for it so I would have to go get some and then come back and I still haven't actually gotten the laundry together and..

fuck this. I'll get up early tomorrow and do it. in fact what I should do is pack up all my dirty clothes today and go buy detergent this afternoon so that tomorrow I can get up, have coffee, sit, and go.

life is so fucking complicated. I hate laundry. it eats up three hours of your day with only clean socks to show for it at the end and as gratifying as clean socks are three hours is a lot of time to give up in the middle of one's day. this is why I want to get up at 5:30 and go directly over there: most of the day would still be ahead of me by the time I was done.

well then. so here I sit dressed in my laundry-doing clothes. naturally this is not acceptable everyday attire so I will have to change before I leave the house. it does entail a flannel shirt though so for the time being I will stay dressed this way. warmth is worth looking unfashionable at home.

well so then I guess I should either write my syllabus or my opening remarks. the latter are more urgent in that I can put together a syllabus while freaking out but opening remarks need to be written in something resembling calm. so. perhaps this is what I should do this morning.
  • Current Mood
    rushed rushed

cold start pt ii

I see now I am in denial about school starting. I can't seem to direct my attention where it needs to be. "one more day!" I say to myself.

but I have to do something productive this morning.

  • Current Mood
    blank blank

unmatched pair

uh oh. which shoe did that insole come out of?

he's attacking it as though it were a really big mouse. oh there it goes down the hall.

little freak.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused


in a minute I must find food sufficient to carry me through till tonight's bowl of cereal--yes of course there will be one.

then soon it is appointment time wherein I hear how one person would be treating my anxiety if they had full psychiatric authority in my case and then go argue with another about how he is treating my anxiety now. the first will be fine but the second will be stressful enough that I'd like some anti-anxiety meds beforehand! but I don't have any extra so I will have to live with elevated amounts of this and that.

I guess first I put on my real clothes. I'm already in a bad mood about the appointments. maybe the first person will be able to intervene in such a way that the latter half is not too painful. I hate sitting between disagreeing doctors. I should put them on the phone with one another I think.
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious

end run

I did not go to second psych appointment. first one talks sense so I gave her phone number of second and said talk to him and then call me back and tell me what transpired and at that point I will make my decision whether to stay with the one or go with the other.

I hope it does not offend second psych terribly but what can you do about the doctorly ego. I'm hoping they can just trample all over each other's and leave me out of it.

I had pizza with tomatoes on it and my stomach is telling me too much tomato man. overly acidified gastric environment has ensued. I suppose there are remedies available for this but I only have enough money to buy milk for my cereal and then my therapist is actually paying me tomorrow which should make for milk and phone money till next paycheck.

no it is not national opposite day but insurance fucked up and sent her money that was supposed to come to me.

but so I am sort of hungry but also have a stomach ache. not sure what to do in this case. I suppose I could afford a roll of tums. it's looking like laundry will have to wait till wednesday. financially it is just out of reach.

oh the joy of living hand-to-mouth.
  • Current Mood
    depressed poor