January 31st, 2006



I can't think of any way to make interesting the fact that I am thinking about going to bed before 8pm. you've heard it all before from me and it isn't even a novelty given how often I collapse early in the evening but given that I have at least another month's worth of clean socks there is no laundry to talk about for instance.

something is vaguely bugging me but I don't know what it is. I have to be careful at moments like this not to default to my earliest known form of feeling bugged which was shame and guilt. I don't believe I've done anything shameful recently but the simple fact that I slept all afternoon makes me feel like I wasted time. the thing is I didn't really feel like doing anything besides sleeping so it's not like I shut myself down in the middle of a productive streak. it was more like go for a walk or take a nap. the walk would have made me feel more virtuous but I didn't manage to get back up out of the chair after I sat down for "just a minute."

well it seems to me the best thing to do would be to go to bed and reboot. tomorrow I will have plenty of nervous energy to work from. I think I still need a vacation and although I don't think I can afford to take time off I wonder if I should just put together some sort of mini-vacation for myself in between one week's teaching and the next. it's just that I think if I did that I might more easily be able to keep myself on track through the rest of the semester whereas right now I am not exactly the model of efficiency.

I think I will see if I get paid tomorrow. the registration blocks are supposed to be lifted but the berkeley website says I still have one but I am told that is just because their information is not up-to-the-minute. but if I get any money maybe some camping at pt reyes for a few days would be helpful. it's not the mojave desert but it might have its own charms.
  • Current Mood
    morose burnt out