April 17th, 2006

fuck.

to do

I am trying not to let anxiety overtake me to the point of paralysis as I have enough reasons to be paralyzed as is. telling myself there is no rush on the day, if I get a few papers graded that's enough, feed the critters, clean some cages. I still really don't have much of a will to get anything done but I have to overcome that somehow.

I also need to get out to berkeley soon but maybe tomorrow afternoon for that. too much else to pay attention to today. and only the gods know when I will do laundry. I might have to buy more socks and boxers. the good thing about boxers is that you can get very colorful and quite durable ones on mission street for like $6 a three-pack.

soon I must get my commencement announcements out but I'm going to have to print up my own cards for them since I bought the generic ones. will have to find a good font to use.

ok. start day now.
  • Current Mood
    stressed stressed
hat

om

70 minutes of zen meditation will calm a person right down.

oh and the klonopin I suppose.

I'm going to get dressed, clean cages, grade some papers, go for a walk. the shower might have to wait until tomorrow although I might feel like showering after finishing with the cages.

I have decided that today I will not wear a watch and will try not to look at my computer's clock (good luck with that --ed.) and just do what I do as I do it and not see what time it is till I am ready to sleep. knowing what time it is adds a lot of unnecessary stress to my day: it's ten! I haven't gotten going yet! it's noon! I haven't had a productive morning! it's 2pm! my attention span is waning! it's 3! I haven't accomplished a thing today!

by 6 at least I just give up but until then it's really not a help to know what time it is.

this has its roots in having summer chores to do that we would put off until an hour before the parents came home. the whole day was arranged around trying to avoid something that had to be done by evening. I wish I'd learned then to just get up and do stuff but I didn't have any more will to act then than I have now. less, in many ways, especially overall/not counting this week.

it's more complex than that even but I don't feel like therapy today.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm
BacklitBald

dorkitude

one of my favorite things to do is when I come home after a walk I go on googlemaps to track my mileage by finding driving directions between various points that google manages to plot out on my approximate walking route. this often involves getting directions both ways for a segment and taking the one that's closest to how I walked.

yeah ok this is not very exciting but I love to do it. today I walked 5.8 miles and once I go to the store to get coffee and water that will bump it up to 6.2.

stay tuned for more updates on Where I Walked Today.

I stopped in Flax to see if they sold candlemaking supplies but they don't. I want to get some wicking material to see if I can use the remnants of candles that build up in the little glass holders as an entire new candle by boring a hole in it, dropping a wick down it, and sealing it in with a little more melted wax. it's not that I'm mister frugal, but it seems a shame to waste all that nice smelling wax just because the last of the wick of each candle didn't last long enough to use it up.

and maybe I am mister frugal. the candles I like best are, naturally, the most expensive kind, and it would be nice to get a whole free candle after every five or six that I burn.

I feel very much like putting on pajamas. I'd better get some pants on and get to the store before I doom myself to chocolate covered espresso beans in the morning.
  • Current Mood
    relaxed relaxed