August 2nd, 2006



I finally got the reading and the response papers done for this week. I have a couple of days now before I have to do the next-to-last batch. these summer terms are like very short but very horrifying carnival rides.

I've caught up with a couple of other jobs and tomorrow I will sit down with the pedagogy site and do whatever needs to be done to get it up to prototype status so that we can see how well it works. there are only a couple of modifications that need to be done but otherwise the envisioned expansions I suppose are not of great urgency but just some things I'd like to see in a fully functional site. I should probably make a list of what needs to be done.

I've been feeling depressed from the morning's first coffee the past couple of days and this is not a good sign. I hope it's just T depletion. I gave myself my shot last night and I'm pretty sure it was 15 days instead of 14 but I didn't record last time on my calendar that I had injected early.with luck though the increase in energy will perk me up.

I'd feel better also if all the money that is rumored to be hanging somewhere in UC limbo for me would hit my account already. I have to pay rent. I have to pay bills. I have to pay large amounts of money to school to get them to let me register this semester.

I slept through a lunch date too. I need to go downstairs and beg forgiveness. it's about all I have the brain power leftover for. yesterday I did not manage to read the same amount I had the day before before falling asleep and then I slumbered in my chair from 11am till 5pm, waking up occasionally to try to get through another paragraph and then finding myself waking up two hours later thinking ok this time I'm done sleeping I'm going to finish this chapter and well you know the rest.

my therapist thinks caffeine might be aggravating my anxiety but I'm afraid that coffee is the only thing standing between me and 5-hour days. much as this appeals to my cat nature it does not appeal to that part of me that still actually harbors ambition. amazing to think I've got any left.
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent

earth says om

one of the things about zen I believe is that it teaches you there is no telling what's going to happen next. to drive its point home this 4.4 magnitude earthquake took place in the middle of my meditation. I stopped long enough to see if the rest of the internet had noticed and once I was satisfied they had I went back to sitting.

it felt bigger. lasted about ten seconds which is a long time for the ground to shake. the cats took refuge on high furniture which I'm not sure is the most rational response but what are you going to tell them or rather what will they hear.
  • Current Mood
    scared shaken