September 2nd, 2006


how it works

the candle at the end of the tunnel was re-lit while meditating although I cannot really describe the mechanism through which this works except that meditating is a great help in learning to see the world as it is rather than as your screwed up psyche would have it be. not that the screen and frame of reference of the whole perceptual apparatus are escapable--I still only get a human world, and no more--but the evidence of good in this world outweighs the evidence for bad when everything is run through with panic &c suspended.

I say this only in relation to a very small part of the world: my life, this weekend. I can't say with any confidence that good outweighs bad in the world at large. technically, the whole dichotomy is suspect anyway but sometimes categories are helpful. in any case I suspect that the world at large is in a heap of trouble but for the moment I can't do a lot about that.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

to do

I guess I'll do some work then. I think it is time to pick Stein back up and see how far I get before sleep overtakes me at which time I will pull out the monster drink and see if it works better than the rockstar drink.

I put a fancy cushion from on newly-constructed window shelves and now both the cats and I have some place soft to put our feet. it was even on sale! I got the gray leopard print. matches santiago and goes well with jackson.


here goes.

can I just reiterate that thinking about picking up reading for school still causes me anxiety from the few years there when I couldn't understand about half of what I read? of course the anxiety remedy makes me drowsy.

there are not many ways to win in this world.
  • Current Mood
    productive productive


I think I got five pages in. during the three head-nodding hours to follow I never really woke up enough for the monster drink so I'm trying it now although it is getting a little late. something productive might occur to me or I might decide to read something else as only Gertrude has this effect on me.

maybe I should start reading one author and when I can see that I'm giving them my full attention I can switch suddenly to the making of americans. I'm really at a loss here.
  • Current Mood
    groggy groggy