September 3rd, 2006


chemical help

22mg buprenorphine
1mg clonazepam
200mg panax ginseng

various other "energy inducing" stuff in bubblegum-tasting drink.

this just might get me 100 pages of stein read by 5pm.

without all these marvelous drugs? I sit in the corner and bang my head.

the thing I'm most afraid of: the next sentence of my dissertation. I think it's coming soon.
  • Current Mood
    productive productive


the klonopin overcame the ginseng after about an hour and a half so I went for more ginseng and while I was at it a couple of my favorite refrigerator burritos plus I stopped in the new agey store that used to sell the candles I like so much that I now order them online because the store stupidly stopped selling them and there I found nothing worth spending money on except a 3.95 vial of cedar oil except they were out of it so I just kept going back to the tester and dabbing it on myself here and there and now I smell like your woolens at the beginning of the season.

back to stein. I got about 40 pages in before the eyelids got heavy. we're going to do this one way or another if I have to stay up 48 hours straight. although I slept fine last night after yesterday's ginseng binge.

in a minute maybe I will stop sweating long enough to lean back and read. my god this is annoying. I realize I write more about sweat than I do about laundry but in my life sweat is a major phenomenon that I have to go to great lengths to deal with and it never ceases to amaze me just how much water I can pump out through my skin in so little time and under such cool conditions. each and every time I go out I think I am wearing just the right amount of clothing and will walk at just the right speed not to sweat too much and each and every time I come back soaked through every single layer no matter how few or how many. I do ok going, but the worst part happens when I actually go into a store and my body core is still all heated up from walking no matter how slowly and the ambient temperature in almost any store is enough to make me then start to really gush so I go back out into the cool breeze and suddenly I am freezing my ass off and then it becomes a question of whether to walk slowly back to keep from generating too much more moisture or to walk fast enough to keep from freezing. if there is a seabreeze usually the latter is the best strategy as a seabreeze by now will feel like you have been plunged into a swimming pool on a 60-degree overcast windy day. after that, all is lost. you walk fast enough to keep yourself warm and by the time you arrive home everything is soaking wet and it takes your body half an hour to realize that it's not doing anything anymore and does not need any more coolant.

the really weird thing this is doing to me is making me appreciate really hot weather. if it is really hot, all your sweat goes to make you more comfortable, not less. granted this only works in dry heat where there is the occasional breeze so I won't be moving back to the deep south anytime soon but still. I never thought I'd prefer 80F to 60F. I don't really, but it is less uncomfortable to walk in, ironically.

ok now I think I can start reading again. that wake-up break only took two hours. my life. I'm tellin ya.
  • Current Mood
    bitchy bitchy


some time ago I paid for the extra hundred and something userpics because I had more than whatever then limit was and I figured I would pass the time making icons for myself when I had nothing to do (ha!) but tonight I made two while thinking about sitting and now since I have a topical icon I am going to sit. I also made another but you can only show one at a time in lj land.

anyway it takes a damned long time to make an icon that looks good so at present I think I have thirty. one day, probably when the time comes to pay for them again, I will actually have 100 userpics. one day.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm