September 23rd, 2006



the neighbors across the courtyard (the small courtyard--they are about 5 yards away) had a party last night that although it was not sufficient to keep me up the whole time did make a dent in my ability to shut them out and fall asleep so I don't know what time it was when I finally drifted off with their shouts in my ear but when the alarm went off at 8 I turned it off. slept till 11.

it's just as well. making myself get up early to try to read stein is just asking for a long afternoon nap. I will sit, I will read, I will go buy cat litter and more catnip for poor santiago who is almost out of his favorite drug. I'm surprised that in puritan amerika we allow our pets to alter their consciousness. we don't even know what catnip does. for all we know the cats are all little satan worshippers by now.

the weather underground keeps saying today will be warmer than yesterday. they've said this four days in a row now. I guess that my hopes for a real fall are out the window. welcome to san francisco summer. this lasts through the second or third week of october at which time the temperature drops 40 degrees and it starts to rain and is winter for awhile.

so yeah. my work week begins. this does not make me very happy but the next two days at least I get to work on my work and no one else's.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake

the long and the short

I didn't get through many pages but the pages I did get through were Important Pages so there was productive work done.

fact is I can't read for more than an hour anymore without falling asleep. I'm almost positive this has to do with meds. it couldn't possibly be age unless I am suddenly 82. I can stay awake at the computer (scan all my books..?) and I can stay awake teaching and grading papers and going to therapy and taking walks, but if I read it's like the movement of the eyes across the page turns into the biggest softest rocking chair you've ever leaned back in and after a few pages it's lights out.

I even got up and took a short walk and came back and sat back down but didn't get much further. it's not just dissertation reading; it's happening no matter what I pick up. if I switch books it does take a little while to fall asleep during the second book. perhaps I should read two books at a time, switching back and forth.

there aren't any of my meds that I particularly want to give up although the zyprexa had me falling asleep from day one and I don't really know how many voices it is protecting me from if any. I'm not sure it wasn't a placebo to begin with but stopping a placebo that works could be just as bad as stopping something that is actually doing something besides convincing me it is a Drug.

right now I feel pretty sleepy which means no late night reading is in store either. sometimes if I nap really good in the middle of the day (say noon to five-thirty..) I can read for an indefinite amount of time at night. I think though that's just called sleeping for 24 hours and then trying to read. with me it might work, rather than simply making me groggy. perhaps I should try this next week.

in the meantime an early bedtime might be in store. try again tomorrow. the neighbors couldn't party two nights in a row, could they? last night I fell asleep to some guy yelling about how glad he was not to be a short-legged dog because then his balls would drag the ground. there's some quality partying right there. I'm sure the ladies were impressed.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired