September 8th, 2010

skull

no I'm still here

You know it's bad when you cannot write. Or that is, I know it is bad when I cannot write.

To be precise, I've been feeling like shit that has been sitting in the gutter for a week and is pretty much a gobby mess of stink and not much else. Barely a coherent mass but what is there is not anything you'd want to, like, touch.

I think I probably posted something about this a long time ago but that was when I was still only about half online that is some vital part of me was out wandering around someplace that was very very very very far away from here and now.

I'm less absent these days or that is I guess those dissociated and exiled parts of me are back for the most part which is good in that one feels more alive when more of one is present to be living but on the other hand whatever anesthetic effect my flight had is gone now so, well.

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Jackson

the other thing

This is not such a bad thing but just one of those things that is worrying enough to be worrying and inconvenient enough to warrant cursing as one's back throbs carrying the cat carrier through the Mission. Jackson went to the vet for the second time this year! I don't know why they do this to me. Last week while I was in my funk I noticed that he was leaking urine and leaving a little puddle everywhere he sat. He seemed ok otherwise and I did not feel a full bladder on him so he wasn't blocked but I didn't know what was going on so after berating myself for being poor and unable to care for my animals I phoned in a very nice favor from a very nice person and so we made ourselves an appointment for this morning.

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