Erik (eriktrips) wrote,
Erik
eriktrips

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mr sandman

this morning i had a series of trying to wake up dreams. i woke up about five times before thankfully finding myself in my bed in my house with my cat and able to keep my eyes open while i made coffee. it's interesting that when i have these dreams i am always unsure if i am really awake until that final time when i actually do wake up and i know immediately that i have made it back to the real waking world. how do i know right away? what is it about my bed my room and my cat that says to me you are finally truly awake? it's not as though i don't often dream of repeatedly waking up in the same place: often the house i grew up in or one of the places i have lived since. frequently i will 'wake up' in the same place over and over again until i finally wake up here yet when i am not really awake i always have the sneaking suspicion that i am not really awake and this suspicion never creeps up on me when i am really awake.

i sometimes think that one of these days this doubt about wakefulness is going to invade my waking life and from that moment on i will never know if i am dreaming or not and this troubles me for some reason. often when i am caught in a series of waking up dreams i find myself growing quite alarmed that i seem not to be wakening and i have to tell myself that the only way i will really wake up is to relax and let myself drift up from sleep. the idea of being caught forever in a dream of waking is very upsetting but i am not sure why.
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