Erik (eriktrips) wrote,

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life on your hands

I already feel guilty about getting another animal. not because of any garden variety neurosis that is telling me I don't deserve one or that I won't take good care of it or anything like that but because of the nearly infinite responsibility I feel for even the slightest of sufferings by anything in my care and because of the nearly infinite responsibility I feel for even the fact that this living thing can suffer. even though I had nothing to do with calling it into being to begin with.

or maybe I did. maybe when they enter my universe it is all instantly my fault.

sometimes when I look at Jackson I just feel terribly sorry even though he's healthy and happy and suffers very little. he might suffer some day and my inevitable inadequacy in protecting him from such a thing is difficult to accept. and now I'm going to be responsible for another one.

this insta-guilt is not necessarily a bad thing and I'm not really complaining so much as remarking how this sort of thing gets spread around from life to life.

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