• Mood: disappointed
• Music: Snow Patrol - Run

always a first time

so I went to K'vetch, "San Francisco's longest-running queer spoken word" and had the honor of meeting badgerbag and a few friends and I signed my little name on the open mic list and waited while folks went up one by one to face the danger of dead air and I get a little nervous because I know no one else there unlike this Retool and Grind thing I keep reading at but I'm handling it reasonably well and it comes my turn and I speak and as usual the sound of my voice calms me immediately and I don't know what that's about but maybe it is that no matter how nervous I am I still manage that low soothing baritone but anyway I read my bit and I get a little applause and hope the couple of people who say nice things aren't saying them just to be nice.

that was pretty much it at least insofar as the self-absorbed version goes.

I'm not sure how I feel as it was not a smashing success exactly but it neither was it an abject failure and I'm thinking next time I'll read the glory hole piece instead of the crazy lady in the mental hospital piece. perhaps the best way to introduce yourself to people is not hi this is an account of my time in the psych ward but rather here are some witty ruminations about public bathroom sex. the latter I think sells better and the former might be best after they have gotten to know and love you.

in the non-self-absorbed version I enjoy badgerbag's poem and most all the stuff everyone else did. that happened too. I would say it was great to meet people but you all know how that goes with me. it was not that it was awful to meet people or that I didn't like them or anything they all seemed very amiable and kind but you just know that meeting people is not my favorite thing unless they are tagging along with five of my very good friends. that said I think I met some good people. perhaps I we will meet next month and I will feel less like I am meeting them but rather running into them again.

but back on the self-absorption page I feel a little funky. I mean I don't expect to get a MacArthur grant everytime I read but usually I get a little more enthusiasm. I guess not every night can be your night.