I mean I really get seriously depressed if I have a long list of timed obligations. I can't really explain this.
yesterday for instance I had to help out at two different talks by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. the work itself was painless, the talks immensely enjoyable, and afterwards she told me that immediately upon spying me in the audience she was relieved to see a friendly face. no we'd never met before. she just thought my face looked friendly. she was very nice.
anyway I stressed out about both events to a point completely unwarranted by what they were actually going to require of me and this was at least partly because they were fixed in time and I had no opportunity to do them at a different time if it turned out that at the appointed hour I did not feel up to dealing with the unpredictability of events.
on the upside I have actually enjoyed the talks that this job has forced me to go to. I probably could have resumed going to talks earlier in my big crash recovery but in any case I should start going to more. the only problem is the ones that begin at 7:30pm: by the time they were over and I had negotiated BART and made it back to the city it would be way past my last hour of functionability. I like to be home and thinking of bed by 8. often I don't actually make it into bed before 11, but at 8 the most sophisticated things I want to be contemplating consist mainly of old episodes of the Simpsons and South Park.
but so. all I have to do to today is go to the one-hour class that I'm reading for. not so bad. am ready to collapse.