since I've been to the zen center now a couple of times I don't have that "will this clan eat me" fear that I have to deal with in brand new situations involving people but I do have some anxiety over whether I will meditate "right." I mean as far as I can tell practice is not one of scrutiny or criticism of others so even if I get my legs crossed all wrong probably no one will notice but still. I'm not certain how long I can sit in one position on the floor. and I'm not certain of the protocol for shifting your legs should one or both of them fall asleep. mainly I don't want to be mistaken for being disrespectful when it is a matter rather of being completely green.
I continue to be of the opinion that every time I get out of the house to something new like this I deserve a parade and a medal.
in the meantime I got some work done today. not lots but I actually picked up my chapter and read over it and made notes on things I might want to change or add. didn't change or add anything yet but just picking it up required great courage.
yeah I want a parade and medal for this too. sometimes I think it would be nice to have a life where I wasn't always having to do things that were very hard. but that kind of life might be boring. I mean I could certainly set up that kind of life for myself so there must be a reason why I do not.
I think I will go to sleep now. this group tomorrow meets until 9pm which means I'll be out past my bedtime for which I also deserve a parade and a medal or better yet a firm kingsize mattress with freshly laundered flannel sheets. I know some of you love high thread count percale sheets but to me the lap of sleep luxury is lined in flannel.