Erik (eriktrips) wrote,

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now playing

the wellbutrin seems to be giving me richly detailed and persistent nightmares! oh joy! and only about half of them lucid although when I woke at 4am after dreaming that I was psychotic and was having vivid delusions of doctors torturing me (which is interesting in its own meta- fashion in that I was in a way dreaming that I was dreaming..) I thought to myself well that was certainly affecting and how can I make these lucid so I don't raise my bloodpressure in the middle of the night, and when I went back to sleep I started dreaming about tornados (oh so predictable) and as one was headed right towards the car and my mom was screaming get out of the car get out of the car! I suddenly realized that if there were tornados all around and we were in Seattle then I must be dreaming.

so that was the end of that. well not really in that I did what I always do when I find myself in an unpleasant dream and I stopped looking at the tornado and tried to relax it away and instead of going away it stayed right on top of me. but the cool thing is it turned into a white tornado and as I felt myself being tugged into the air I thought well this isn't so bad I wonder how long it will stay if I relax more so I relaxed more and it stayed for a little while longer but the interesting thing is that I never dream that a tornado has actually arrived. I always dream they are coming and whatever my unconscious has hidden inside of them is too terrible to look at even in a dream so they never make it to the point that they are actually blowing me around. this one did and it was followed by another and that was followed by a violent cloudburst in which buckets of water came pounding down on us and I was thinking good grief. when will the dream fairies have had enough?

so then I dreamed I was stuck in a piece of machinery and the guy running it couldn't see me even though I was right in front of him screaming as it slowly pulled my hand from my arm and it occured to me I must be sleeping on my arm so that my hand was falling painfully asleep. so I relaxed my way awake and sure enough my hand was under my head.

if this is what I can expect every night then I'm already exhausted.

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